Tired of being a social backup: a reminder that friends aren’t just for when it’s convenient

My friend only shows up when they need something, and I’m finally done.

I’m trying not to be self-absorbed but I’ve been dealing with a friendship that feels incredibly one-sided and it’s starting to drain me.

I have this friend who disappears whenever good things are happening in their life. But the moment they’re lonely or not getting enough attention from their other friends, they suddenly want to talk and expect me to be there instantly.

The sad part is, I show up. Every time. Because they’ve made me feel like they needed someone who would show up for them.

But whenever I reach out during their high moments, they go completely MIA. No responses to texts, no replies to invites, nothing. I understand that people get busy, that’s normal. What isn’t normal is using someone as a social crutch and then dropping them the second life feels exciting again.

This pattern has gone on for a long time and it’s created a huge imbalance in the friendship. I feel awful. I feel taken for granted. Every time I try to lessen my effort to protect my own energy, they don’t even bother keeping the connection going. Not because they don’t enjoy the friendship, but because their pride won’t let them make an effort unless they’re the one who needs something.

Sometimes, when I try to step away a little to balance things out for myself, they will step away even further, almost as if to prove themselves or to show me that they don’t need to meet me halfway. It’s exhausting.

When things go bad for them, they cling to me like I’m entertainment or free emotional support. But when things are good, I’m invisible. It makes me feel like I’m only valuable when they’re low and irrelevant when they’re happy.

I’ve communicated this before. Nothing changed.

So to the friend who keeps doing this. I’m done. It hurts but I’m tired of being someone you pick up and drop depending on your mood or situation. I’m glad you have good things happening in your life truly but the way you go completely no-contact during those times, after everything I’ve done to show up for you, is something I can’t accept anymore.

If you want to keep your mask on and pretend this is a balanced friendship, go ahead. But I’m stepping away for good.