ccm

Happy birthday, Carlos. I hope you’ve been doing well lately. Are you running again? Getting more time at the gym? Still playing your games and watching your favorite anime? Did you get to celebrate over the weekend, or are you celebrating today? Either way, I hope you feel deeply loved because I know so many people truly appreciate you and your warm, charming spirit.

I know I’ll probably never have the courage to actually send this. Some things really are better left as they are than reopened. Still, I miss the friend I found in you. But we both know we could never just be friends again after everything, right? It was always all or nothing for me. Even so, I still root for you and your dreams. I hope you finish the year strong. Do you have juniors to teach now? I can almost hear the excitement in your voice whenever you talk about your specialty.

I’m doing okay. I miss you, still. And to answer what you once asked me: no, I’m not mad at you. I’m not angry that you can’t reply the way you used to, or that I’m no longer your priority. I know I no longer have the right to expect that. And that’s okay. I’ll be okay.

I wish you the happiest birthday. I choose to always see you in a good light, to believe that you never meant to hurt me, and that even now, you carry only good intentions in your heart.

I’m sorry for breaking things off and for saying things I didn’t mean. I know that hurt you. But you’re free now. It’s been a while since we last spoke, and months since we ended, but I’m truly letting you go. I won’t whisper your name anymore when I miss you. I won’t manifest you back into my life. I believe things happen for a reason, even when I can’t fully understand that reason yet. For now, I’m choosing to let things be. I’m choosing to release what once was….

and finally, to let go.