M27 and F26 - How do you handle arguments turning into psychological warfare and gaslighting?

There's a lot of text (sorry), so I've divided into 3 sections; info about us, our types, and then the problem I can't deal with alone anymore.

I'm interested in the harsh truth, but unless you truly think so, I think the "run before it's too late", "she's wrong, you should leave" is "cheap" solutions.

This is also to a large extent on me, that's why I think I need some 'external eyes' on the matter..

I'm afraid we're getting to a point where so many smaller problems as a whole become so large it's getting easier to walk off, than to stay together and fix things.

This is what I'm afraid of, and want to avoid, because she's the one I want to make a family with. So I wanna fight, but it's just become unbearable.

About us:

Me (M27) and my gf (F26) have been together for 9 years.

Met in school. Moved abroad 5 years ago to try something new.

I run a company, she's working in my company, but there's no "direct management" of her from me, and it runs smoothly. There's no subtle annoyances there.

Our types:

I'm a very logical person. I'm always trying to see things from both sides, like playing devil's advocate to see stuff from multiple aspects etc. Not just in our relationship, but in life in general.

My girlfriend is not very logical, she's more focused on emotions, and they often outweigh what otherwise would be right/logical.

I'd imagine this is a pretty normal constellation.

In my family, we're used to speak loud and direct about problems. If someone's behaving badly, we say it.

In her family, it's polar opposite. Her mom is the queen of silent treatment, and when she enters a room, everyone quiets down and speak less about what they want. If things don't go her moms way, her mom will just stay silent and you know how it goes.

My girlfriend acknowledge that her moms way of dealing with issues is suboptimal, and leads to bigger issues (that's her opinion). We usually say that we want our family to be a perfect mix between her and my family (open conversations, but less harsh than what my family can be).

I'm an introvert, and she's an extrovert. Earlier in our relationship, it hasn't been an issue, but at a few bigger parties the past few years (weddings with some of her old friends I don't know), she's been "annoyed" about me not mingling with everyone. At one party I only knew 1 person except her, and I'm not really a dancer, so I'd just sit with a group and have a few beers, and she was annoyed that I seemed so anti-social. I'm really not, I've always claimed that I was an extroverted introvert (I love talking to and meeting people, but I gain my energy when I recharge at home), but at a family gathering like that wedding, I think it's quite normal to be the way I was. She even said she'd be in my boat if it were at the wedding of an old friend of mine.

But you know, my self-esteem has gotten hurt quite a bit the past few years. I'm at a point right now, where I feel like I'm someone I'm not.

Our issue:

I don't know where to start, but our arguments are crazy. We don't hit each other and stuff, but they get verbally out of hand in an instant.

There seems to be absolutely zero "logic" in the arguments, and the arguments is like a tree getting planted; it starts with a tree trunk, and then 100s of branches emerge.

One example that just happened:

A window hinge is broken (wood is broken and hinge is very lose).

She wants us to record how difficult it is to open the window now, and I say I think we shouldn't, because we can't get it fixed until January, and if we apply further damage to the window (use it after damage is concluded), the liability may land on us, rather than the landlord (that's the law here).

Then she gets furious, and says that I always disagree with her. I told her again that it had nothing to do with her, I'm just afraid we'll be liable if it breaks and have to cover the window up.

I then follow up by asking; maybe I miss something, but what do you see there is to gain from making that recording?

She doesn't respond, but just get up and walk off while saying: "Just run your show, but I'd have handled it differently with the landlord".

I tell her that nothing's holding her back (the landlord just were here, so she could've just said what she wanted to), but now the argument is out of hand.

Every time I respond, she brings up something else, but she gets absolutely furious, and there's no saving the argument here.

I walk into the kitchen, but can barely get by her because she's in the way (and doesn't move) while saying things about me. She's not moving, so I'm squeezing my way through, like one would do on a train. Forceful, yes, but you know.

Then she gets more mad, and say that I'm violent (I'm not, I've never hit her, and never would). I then say that I'd actually consider her blocking my path intentionally is violence, and then another branch on the tree has arisen.

Now we're sitting apart (I'm working from home right now), but she'll stay mad and silent for days. I stress tested this some years ago when I had enough, and I didn't say a word to her for 4 days, until I "broke down" and she still kept it and said she was surprised how long I held.

Every time we have a big argument like this, I quite quickly move on, and want us to be friends again. It's 1/20 times that she's the one coming back, the rest it's me. And if she's the one coming back, and I don't admit I was in the wrongg, but stand my ground on her being in the worng but that I'm super happy she acknowledge it and I accept the apology, then she's back in the exact same spot again.

I just can't bear it anymore, and I don't know how to deal with it.

I'm sure it's just as much on me, as it's on my gf, I just can't see clear anymore, so I hope someone in here has experienced something similar (on either side), and can shed some light on what could be wrong, or what could fix it..

Thanks a lot in advance, and thanks if you took your time to read through it all 🙏