Advice needed

I've 27F have been in a relationship with 37M for the last 6 years. It started out as a BDSM relationship as we met on a kink site. We stay in different cities but we still managed to meet quite a lot. It was supposed to have been a BDSM dynamic but it was blurred. I believe I have a fun personality and Dominants usually have a hard time being serious with me. However, we got into a vanilla relationship and things were still blurred as he still expected me to behave in a way that I would with a dominant. Its super blurry. Till date, I have no idea if ours was a BDSM dynamic or a vanilla relationship. About 1.2 years ago, my partner got into some financial troubles and mostly stopped communicating with me. He only asked me if I've eaten and what I did during the day. This behavior went on for a while post which I started complaining, telling and doing everything else to make him understand that finance is not the only part of one's life and that no one would magically have better relationships once their financial troubles end. As far as I know, I've been very supportive. He says I don't know what he's going through and that I should have patience. One day when I got enough, I told him that I'll stop being with him and then, after a month and half, I contacted him back again. It's me not being able to stay away because I genuinely like what we were. When I told him about few things, I told him that he wasn't really taking charge and how communication is bad and about some sexual displeasure. He mentioned that I don't let him take charge. I have been over enthusiastic in this relationship, i agree. He told me once that he worked hard to get me to tone down. This is after I told him on text that I wish it was the time already when we agreed to talk that noon. It hurt me real bad. I try to not go back or communicate with him but I can't stop myself. One time he mentioned that he was only good to me by not selling me off or do something bad to me when I was in his city and I casually remarked that I didn't do the same with him as well and he says that I'm competing with him when I say things like this. A few days ago, I also mentioned to him that the perfect situation wont just pop up but one has to do things even when everything is not aligned. To be honest, I have lost respect for this man as he himself tells me that he only works for 3-4 hours a day and complain his financial problems wont solve but does absolutely nothing as he thinks the stars should align and the moon should be orbiting in just the right way and only then will he take action. When I told him that we'll talk and sort things out, he says we will only do that once we meet. I am not comfortable with meeting him as I don't feel the same closeness as I did earlier when I went to meet him. What does actually work in a relationship? I want the calmness that I have when I know I have a person with me but I don't know how to completely tone myself down and be different. Does just obeying and listening only get one a good dominant?