Am I being used? I, 24F am in love, and have been with 26M for 10+ years.

I, (24f) have known (26M) for 10 years, we met when I was 15 and we were immediately smitten. I was a wild child and was never the ‘safe’ option, he was cheeky and mischievous, often caring more about sex than much else, usually winding him in less than favorable relationships with shallow women. Because of this, him and I had a fiery and an on/off again situationship. He would lure me in and then turn around with some new girl. His fling would end and he would run back to me, I would forgive him and the cycle would repeat.

Between him and I, we found ourselves in new relationships and wouldn’t speak for periods of time, yet when we’ve found eachother single again we would pick back up as if time hadn’t lapsed. When both of us are single, we have always been there to emotionally and sexually support eachother, for me it’s because I’ve never met anybody that understands me the way that he does and I’ve never been able to be my complete self with anybody but him.

Him and I haven’t spoken in a few years up until recently when my previous friend (22F) dumped him. 3 years ago I introduced him to this friend, (22F), the last time him and I were sleeping together and contemplating taking the next steps, he blindsided me and snuck off to hook up with her. Feeling extremely betrayed and hurt, when I found out, I cut them both from my life.

Just like him and I, they were immediately smitten and in love, they fell pregnant within a few months of meeting. They now have a wonderful son (2M) and have been together 3.5 years. Well, their relationship lit quick and burnt out quicker, she up and decided she wanted to move out and be single again.

Him and I recently rekindled and met up for drinks. The chemistry, understanding, communication and love is still there, not to mention the sexual tension. When we were younger, he was a real POS to me, in many ways, and I would crash out and scare him away with my reactions. I was overly explosive and would often lash out in emotional rage. Somehow we have always forgiven and understood eachother with ease. I want to have a shot with him or I need to move on for good. The issue is, I have dreams of him, I think about him constantly and have for YEARS. I cry thinking about him, I crave the connection him and I have. No man has even come close in terms of connectivity and like-mindedness. He is the man I feel I’m meant to be with. Is this a possible trauma bond? Is this real love? I’m beyond confused and need some guidance.

I do not want to be a rebound nor the woman he settles for just because his attempts with other women haven’t panned out. I would do anything to see if him and I are meant to be together, I’m just not sure how to proceed. His now ex (22F) hates me… given the circumstance of how they met, she sees me as a threat. Because they have a child together it makes things tense and I would never want to insert myself in a situation that would strain the relationship he has with her or his child. I genuinely want the best for all of them, I just cannot seem to shake the feeling that him and I have unfinished time together. He has expressed that he wants me in his life and that I am the kind of woman he wishes he had a child with. Yet he told me he still wants his ex and is hoping she changes for the sake of their family. I’m very confused.

TL;DR Am I being used by him?