How to cope

I’ve been living a very stealth life for the past 7 years but I just can’t shake the feeling that i’ll never be truly happy. I know it sounds ungrateful because there are so many people out there who would kill to be in my shoes, I have great access to trans healthcare i’ve had top surgery twice and never had to pay a single penny for either surgeries because my insurance fully covered it. It’s weird because It almost feels like being trans isn’t even part of my identity with how stealth I live. I don’t talk about it to anyone (except my girlfriend but even then it’s not that often) The only problem is I am constantly thinking about it, constantly thinking how my life could’ve been different/better if I were cis. There’s not a moment that goes by where I don’t think about how much I don’t identify with my body still after 7 years of being on T. I still have so much dysphoria. It scares me that this feeling won’t ever go away. I guess I didn’t realize how isolating living a stealth life would be but unfortunately I don’t ever see a reality where I choose to not be stealth. I guess i’m just sort of wondering if anyone else feels this way? Or how any of you cope with it. Being trans is something that weighs so heavy on me and I’m not sure how to get to a point where I guess I accept that this is my life, that there’s not a reality where i’ll ever not be trans…