12/09/2925

Hi. I am back with another update post. So... I learned that I have borderline personality disorder. My therapist is only writing "Chronic PTSD" in the diagnostic code (ICD-10-CM F43.12).

It explained a lot. The way I revered people and then suddenly become so hateful towards them. That distinct lack of identity and personality. The anger I felt. The fact I don't have any close friends.

It's important to find a trauma-informed therapist who specifically states in their profile that they specialize in BPD. It's so life changing when you find the right therapist. My therapist is using Internal Family System with me and it has been surprisingly effective. It always feels awkward trying to interact with someone who does not have a tangible form, but it has helped a lot.

I struggle with drinking sometimes, and during one bender I was really struggling to quit, even though it was starting to negatively impact my life. My therapist had me reattempt to connect with the part who often tries to escape from bad feelings with maladaptive daydreaming and alcohol. When I first started my session months ago, I was struggling to come with an image and character for this part.

Now this part gained form and I imagine a moody teen who is standoffish and doesn't open up often.