Do he really wants me in his life?

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 3.5 years now and these years he has done things which I still doubt the reason for. So during the first few starting months, it was all perfect but then one day during a conversation he told me that he had a lot of options of girls who were a lot more beautiful than me and then he said he can still get a girl prettier than me but he'll not go because he loves me. That time I cried all night but didn't say anything to the time because that single line was enough for me to feel broken and insecure (for clarity he's smart and good looking and I'm an average girl). I knew about the girls who approached him before and during our relationship but that was never a problem for me until he told me those lines and he was the one who came to me and we were classmates and he told me he liked me since school but now it's feeling like he doesn't even want to look at me.

After that he at times commented on my appearance or idk what was that, he once told me clearly that I'm with you because I love you and not because how I look so don't worry i won't leave (I don't know whether this was a positive sentence or negative). Then he used to name some girls that were into him and told me that oh they were so beautiful like very pretty and things like this. This all crushed me but I never had confidence to speak about it all. This year only i told him about my insecurity and things and i thought he would get it but a few days he was sorry and told me that he didn't know and all but then during a fight on this topic only when I asked him what he was thinking when he said that things to me and he told me he knew how I would feel after that and he wanted me to feel insecure so that I never leave him. This was his reply. At present I'm p. He told me that I'm not understanding and he's feeling suffocating with me. He ignored me and told me me things like this but still I never leave his messages without replying and never ignore his calls but he's not ready to do anything like this and this is all I had asked from him in our relationship nothing else I swear. A few months back he used to cut calls and switch off the phone for all night just because he didn't want to talk or wanted to sleep idk and many times he did this when I was crying on calls and he casually used to cut the calls and then he phone was off. Those nights were a nightmare for me and now I'm feeling like he's gonna do that again as he again is starting to ignore me.

We were in long distance for a long time and it's been 6-7 months that we are in same city but now to he doing the same ignoring stuff.

Sometimes I feel like just because I'm not beautiful enough for him he doesn't want to be with me anymore but is not able to tell me directly. I don't know what's going on and what's gonna happen. What am I doing wrong and I'm able to forget those things till now and he's like I'm not letting go those sentences and I'm being insecure without any reason now and that he's telling me now that I'm beautiful and all but I'm not accepting it. Everytime he said something good about me I got all those pase memories of him commenting on me back and I'm able to take any compliments from him and he said that's why things are taking bad turns as I'm not letting old things go. Is it true and if yes how to forget that all what I had suffered and those sleepless nights crying.