Advice/AIO about MIL

Names changed. MIL = Linda FIL = Mark DH = Bill Young daughter = Ava

SOME things I/We have experienced. To preface, I have never had any bad interactions with Linda in person. She has been nice to all of us and a nice grandparent to our daughter. These things happen behind the scenes

•	Linda and Mark asking to meet with Bill explicitly without me and to poke about our relationship, where she asked him if we were “fornicating.” This was when we were still dating.
•	Linda telling Bill that God spoke to her and told her that he should have me and Ava move out. Fluffed with words of care for us. This is also while we were dating. 
•	After a month of no communication due to his work- no phone access, Linda texted Bill saying she didn’t approve of us traveling unmarried, then immediately sent travel deals anyway (to show she still cares?)
•	Telling Bill that if he was not in a good mental state and she didn’t know, it wasn’t due to her not asking (she isn’t told because she makes it about herself). This was during a separate interaction they had where he was calling her out about something unrelated to me. I wasn't aware of any of it until after it was over. 
•	When Bill was no contact with Linda due to an issue unrelated to me, she would text me privately about planning a day to take Ava out, how much she misses us, and that her and Bill are going through something but they’ll get through it. Putting me in an uncomfortable position. I felt that she was doing this thinking she could get me on “her” side since I still responded to her while my husband did not, to get everyone talking again. 
•	Referred to Ava online as “OP's daughter” instead of OP's-and-Bill’s, even though Bill and I were already married and Ava had been calling him Daddy for months. He has raised her for most of her life. When thanking her for this “sweet” comment but asking her to take it down due to us not wanting any info about Ava online, she said it was just to “clarify” because someone said “happy for you both and that sweet daughter of yours.” (It was a wedding photo my husband posted.). 
•	Referring to Ava as just my daughter again to Bill almost a year into our marriage.
•	Asking if we would travel 2 hours each way for an event after Bill gets off work, knowing he is exhausted, and after I mentioned that just the day before he didn’t get home until 2am. This is while we had been trying to plan to go on a weekend but was difficult due to Bill's work. Made it work in the end.
•	Inviting Bill to join Linda, Mark, and Bill's brother on a cruise without me and Ava, knowing I was having a rough pregnancy and had even just fainted less than a week before she invited him, while saying she’d “love to have us there too” but not actually extending the invite to me or Ava. 
•	Saying I will turn Bill against them if he allows it, even though I have been the one primarily bridging the gap in communication between Bill and her due to Bill being extremely busy, tired, and stretched thin, so that we could have more visits and coordinate the plans she wanted; making an effort to visit with Ava even without Bill, and even before we were engaged.
•	Attempting to emotionally manipulate Bill on multiple occasions. I never told him how to handle these things, he did it himself. I was there as a support person for him if it emotionally affected him and he needed support and comfort. 
•	We have cancelled our own plans for them and other family, I have mentioned this to them in passing, and about how difficult it is for us to make any plans with my husband’s work schedule.
•	We would always express gratitude and thanks for anything she has done for us but still somehow it’s being hung over our heads (driving me to the airport and back in harsh weather, throwing Ava a birthday party, doing grandparent things with Ava).
•	Suddenly liking my Facebook RSVPs to local events despite never doing this in the past, after the incident of me finding out about her talking behind my back to my husband. I changed the visibility of it now. She even RSVP'd to one (kid's event), which was out of town for us and them. They also live 1.25 hrs away from us. 
•	She is fully aware that Bill has been mostly not at home due to work, or on-call at home, coordinating work nonstop, meaning he rarely gets true nuclear-family time. He has expressed to his parents how exhausted, stressed, and sad he is to be away from us so much in regular conversation. I have expressed my concern about him not getting enough rest/wanting him to and how it might affect his health. Despite knowing all of this, she continues to frame it as “he just doesn’t want to see them” and even claimed that they practically have to beg to see him, twisting his legitimate work obligations into a guilt narrative. In front of me or other people tho, she will make a sad pouty face like she feels sorry for him/us. 

She usually fluffs these messages to my husband with lots of “I love you,” “I love you all,” “you’ve hurt me but I forgive you,” etc., which makes it even harder to be sure we aren’t overreacting. I have decided to stop helping with any coordination or planning visits, or even responding to anything other than emergencies or something health-related. We were visiting on average twice a month (1.25-hour drive each way) on top of Bill being unavailable most weekends.

When Bill mentioned to Linda that I was going to be very sad once I knew what she said (about me turning him against them) because of all the efforts I have made, she didn’t even care about anything else he had said (calmly, even saying he wasn’t upset with her) but sent a whole paragraph about why he shouldn’t tell me what she said and guilt-tripping him about what would happen if he told me, like it would be his fault for me being upset about it, not hers.

She tried calling me a couple days later, which I didn’t answer. I just texted her that I don’t want to speak on the phone but if it’s urgent she can tell my husband or I can pass the message to him. Then she said she wanted to apologize for the misunderstanding, to which I said there was no misunderstanding, it was clear, and that I’d like to move forward civilly as long as interactions remain respectful. This is the first time I have ever texted or spoken to her firmly about anything. I’ve always been very nice/friendly in all my texts with her.

After that, it blew up where she texted Bill about the interaction with me, again blaming him, etc., then claiming Satan is to blame and all of that. My husband just grey rocked most of it, but he is upset and sad. She tried to say sorry but without any accountability and saying it was from a place of hurt and maybe anger. Which again doesn't make sense since none of she said didn't require thinking plus she elaborated.

Since then, I have seen my in-laws once together with Bill and Ava at a family gathering and again without Bill and Ava at another family event. Outwardly, it was like none of it happened. I smiled and was polite. I felt like at the event where it was just me, she was trying too hard to visibly, in front of other people, seem like buddies with me, calling me to sit with her from across the room, etc., which I politely declined, saying I was fine where I was. And a few other things. But whatever, I guess. Idk if I'm overthinking that but I don't think I am.

I did have a breakdown at one point because I was hurt that she would paint me so negatively when we had never had any direct negative interactions despite all the other stuff like wanting me to move out etc. that happened. I knew it was important for Bill to see his parents when we could, and for Ava to see them too and build that bond, so I did my best to balance everything, stay polite etc. and still have to deal with this. Linda's already started about how they won't get to enjoy Bill having the first baby in the family (I am pregnant) based on the health boundaries for Ava and I guess me being the DIL that wants to keep him from them per her opinion. I know she is spreading her manipulative tactics and narratives to the rest of the family which now makes me uncomfortable when visiting for gatherings even though I've always enjoyed spending that time together. She knows we are moving across the country shortly after baby is born, but I just know that she is somehow going to make it my fault that they don't get to see the baby.

This isn't even all of it, but just wanted to know what people here thought honestly.