Cutting my brother off completely

I (24 F, 7 months pregnant) have been having issues with my brother (29M) for a long time.

It really all started when he got diagnosed with ADHD. He went to get tested at 3 different places. And the last place they gave him an ADHD diagnosis. When he showed his test results, it said his memory was worse than seniors with Alzheimer’s. I’m not a medical expert, but to take a test three different times and then completely tank the test to where your results are worse then people struggling with Alzheimer’s, seemed intentional.

He started only working 4 hour shifts because he has a “disability” (he started calling his adhd a disability). (To be clear I also went to the same place he did and got diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. And I’m 7 months pregnant still working full time). He had been working normal shifts just fine for 10 years before this. But once he finally got the diagnosis he wanted, it’s like all of a sudden he wasn’t capable of doing things he’s done just fine his whole life. But he would log in over 120 hours over two weeks on video games.

Then he worked really hard to get a prescription for Vyvanse. They started him on other non stimulants but he swore they weren’t doing anything, until he got prescribed what he was intentionally trying to get. The first day he took it, 10 minutes after he took it, he said he was remembering stuff from his childhood he completely forgot about. And then he would say at 7:00 pm it completely wears off so he can’t remember anything.

He started gambling on Counter Strike. He would call out from work for days at a time to stay home and play video games. While spending hundreds of dollars on cases on counter strike. He would ask my mom for money for necessities and to help with rent because he was calling out from work so much. Then he would put some of that money to pay for a credit card he used for counter strike. I told my mom and dad about his gambling, because even his friend were becoming concerned. They confronted him about it, and expressed how concerning his gambling was. Not only because of the money, but also because he was missing so much work. He stopped for a while. Then he told them how he wanted to start coding, to do something he was “passionate” about. So they bought him a brand new PC with all the newest parts. The PC he had was already very good but he lied and he swore he needed all new parts for coding. He ended up calling out of work for 11 days in a row to stay home and play games.

He also asked my boyfriend (who pays for lessons for coding) for his login information to the course, and when my boyfriend said no, my brother got upset and acted offended. Anyway he ended up only watching YouTube videos on coding and then quit trying after a month.

My brother got fired from his place of employment a little while after all this.

He has now been unemployed for a year. His wife is still working full time to make hours for insurance, while being in school full time as well. He has zero income, so my parents pay for every single thing in his life — rent, groceries, phone, gas, entertainment, etc. They even pay for his golf club membership. On top of that, he constantly takes advantage of my parents. When they give him money for groceries, he puts it into the stock market instead and then brags about “how much he made,” even though he’s literally investing money he lied about needing. All while lying to people, saying that he was beat and starved as a child. (Not true, we grew up in the same house). By the same people who are paying for his whole life, and not pressuring him into getting a job even though he’s almost 30.

When I got pregnant, he told my parents he wanted them to buy him a house so he could “start a family too.” When my mom told him he needs a job to have a family, not a house, he flipped out and got aggressive with her. He started saying how he’s having suicidal thoughts, and grieving for the family he’ll never have.

Because of all of this, I told my parents I needed distance. I said I didn’t want him at my baby shower and wanted separate holidays this year. They keep telling me to “pray on it” and that he’s struggling.

But in my end all I see is this. He’s been rude to me and my boyfriend for months — ignoring my BF in person, removing him from social media and Discord, and never once congratulating me on my pregnancy. (He tells my mom he’s “happy for me,” but doesn’t say it to me.) He even went back to an old message where he told me “love you” and added a clown emoji on it. Deliberately. He also says unbelievably disrespectful things. For example, my boyfriend is a veteran, and my brother told him that people in the military don’t deserve any sympathy if their friends die because “they signed up for it,” and that veterans don’t deserve disability benefits. Meanwhile, he insists his ADHD is a “real disability” that excuses him from working.

Now here’s where things exploded:

My ex-husband emotionally abused me and cheated on me early in our marriage. He refused intimacy for months. I would beg him to talk to me, to figure out what was wrong. After a couple months he told me he doesn’t love me anymore. Doesn’t want to grow old with me or have kids with me. I found out he was staying up late gaming with a girl from work while I was sleeping, and I eventually found texts between them. My brother knows everything about this.

A few days ago I discovered my brother has: • refollowed my ex-husband on Instagram • added him on Steam • added him to our shared Discord • been gaming with him regularly • all while removing my boyfriend from every shared platform

To me, him choosing to reconnect with the man who cheated on me — while excluding the father of my child — is a huge betrayal. It feels intentional and cruel.

I confronted him with a text, and he ignored me.

I told my parents that I am done. I don’t want him involved in my life until he becomes a functioning adult, treats my family with respect, and stops aligning himself with people who hurt me.

My parents think I’m being harsh and that “family needs compassion,” but I feel like this is unforgivable and I need to protect my peace and my baby.

AITA for cutting off my brother?