My foster parents are triggering my ptsd for me.

So this fall our foster family has taken a hit. A little backstory - I moved in a foster home back in the summer of 2022(15years old). They have 3 own biological children, and on top of that they had 1 other foster kid. I had to my from my home city to a bigger town. Switched schools, friendgroups faded eventually etc. One day, I don't even remember why, foster mother starts talking shit to me about the other foster kid. I had no idea how to act so i joined in. Tbf the other kid had their flaws but still, it felt wrong talking about another "member of the family" like that. Then on top of that foster mom has always confided in me. Starting at one point she started to tell about their "inside family" stuff. They always had a family groupchat without me in it so it once again felt kinda wrong to know this stuff.

Now this summer was really important to me. I turned 18 and our foster system allowed me to stay until I finish my studies. The other kid had to move out, and I was left alone. Foster mom went on about "It's so great to be here without *****". Still felt extremely weird to be in that position. This summer I also got a serious boyfriend, so I spent almost every moment with him (he's in the army and gets out almost every weekend). So this one weekend we went out of town. I come back home and the atmosphere is really bleak. Foster mom opens up how foster dad basically assaulted foster mom. It all felt so surreal and I got stuck in time or more like I got teleported back to my little kid feeling and felt helpless.

So uhh yeah, foster mom got super scared and thats understandable but that whole fuckassery messed with my familt dynamics and really REALLY put me back into my fight or flight mode. So now I'm doing the best option for myself and thats to move out. But it all feels too surreal and I'm constantly doubting if I have the ability to survive on my own.