Need advice and some helps🫩

(F18) don’t wanna self-diagnose but I’ve been questioning myself throughout my childhood because I always felt different and alone.

I remember being a quiet kid during my childhood, I slept in class a lot, got in trouble occasionally and my parents would be called or I would be put in another class, sometimes played with the kids or isolated myself because I was nervous, I liked to draw and was the artist throughout different schools, I was a huge fan of fnaf and other things but it stopped in middle school, I was only friends with my childhood ones but it was on and off due to arguments and disagreements so I have no friends now, had some older school students watch me at school or take me to field trips but they left after a month, I was also dropped by my dad to a building that had kids and arcades sometimes and got picked up later, I also stopped playing outside and got addicted to a game that lasted from elementary to my middle school years again, I was loud at my house and more talkative, I had anger issues growing up and got physical so I was sent to psych wards only to get diagnosed with conduct disorder, anxiety, and depression.

Now I’m 18, I stopped going to college because I feel overwhelmed. I have so many hopes and dreams, but I feel stuck every time I try to move. I suffer from anxiety but I like to socialize and yearn for connection. Yet, I get called weird or get too awkward. I also fidget a lot, hum, if I stand I have to sway or move, I like to daydream and still draw, I quit another game recently that I got addicted to again which lasted years, I’m very talkative and focused on my goal and hobbies I’m picking up now. But I still feel stuck. It’s like something is gnawing inside me. My head won’t shut up. So I’m asking for help. I want to know what’s wrong with me. My parents also told me that the staffs from school during my first grade were concerned about me but they don’t remember about what, I checked the school staffs recently and they have a lot of behavioral therapists?