i loved you.

im posting here not to make him feel guilty but to ease off the feeling that's killing me for days now. I got no one to talk to about this, parents are strict, friends are busy, sibs are too young for this kinda stuff. So i met this guy online (tiktok), he messaged me if we could do a streak together. He got the same username as my ex was so i asked him if i know him, who is he and why do he wants to have a streak. After that i asked for his ig since i always tambay there. We talked and talked and called on dc, watched movie together, planed on going out. He told me things i haven't heard from a man before. He told me to court me and proposed a self proclaimed wedding on our date. Then few days ago he told me na his old cof including his ex are going out, i told him to go cuz why not diba, he got a life of his own namn. Then after that he changed. The way he replied, but he still says i love you to me, how important i am. Then after a few days i talked to him, asked him so many questions. He told me honestly na he is still stuck on to something that is holding him back, he told me he wont push me away. I told him na i could help him fix it if, IF he would also help himself, cuz if ako Ing... not enough. Then he said na its better for me to leave that to get hurt i keep on sayin na ill help him, ill stay but parang ayaw nya.

Now my thoughts are killing me, am i enough?? am i lovable? did he really love me for who i am or i just got lusted? Is he with his ex now??? Fuck thats why i hate being in love, it always turns out like thisss. Now he blocked me on everything....

If youre reading this EM, i hope youll find the peace that you are searching for. Just know na i loved you even for a short period of time.....