[25M/22F] My Fearful Avoidant Partner Rejected the "Boyfriend" Label, But Promised to Move In in 2 Years. Why is This Non-Breakup Breakup So Painful?

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TL;DR: My partner, who exhibits Fearful Avoidant (F/A) attachment traits, rejected the official "boyfriend" label out of extreme fear of separation pain, but then firmly promised we would cohabitate in 2 years. I feel the trauma of a breakup without any closure. How do I emotionally cope with this extreme contradiction for the next two years?

Background:

・We have a deep, intense history. Just 6 months ago, we cohabited for 1.5 months (without officially dating).

・The separation then was only due to her night-shift work schedule, not relationship issues.

The Confrontation (The Breakup Pain): I recently pushed her to define the relationship or end it. Her reaction was a perfect example of a Fearful Avoidant spiral:

1. She rejected the "boyfriend" label entirely, claiming she is "terrified of the pain of breaking up."

2. When I asked her to choose, she first chose "Then I'll leave," which caused me immense emotional trauma and felt exactly like I was being dumped.

3. She walked that choice back and promised that there is a 60-70% likelihood that we will move in together in two years.

We are in a "stable, low-pressure" relationship now, but my heart is stuck on the rejection. I feel the pain of a breakup every day while simultaneously holding onto a fragile future promise.

Seeking Advice: This community understands emotional pain. I feel the immense pain, confusion, and sense of rejection that comes from this unique, agonizing situation. I need advice on how to manage this state for the next two years without spiraling.