Looking to make amends with San Pedro after a wasted spiritual trip

Hello! So, I´m going to ramble a bit about the sort of ¨guilt¨ I´m feeling in regards to San Pedro.

Last summer I took SP for the first time and it was amazing. Now I realize that I took a medium dose: it was introspective, colorful, empathetic, deep yet completely manageable, and it gave me tons of energy. I was so happy and feeling so good that I even broke my own psychedelic use rules and went to a nearby rave to dance a bit! It was amazing.

So, this Halloween I thought why not, and I prepared SP again. The thing is this time I fucked up the dosage. In retrospective it´s embarrasing that I truly didn´t realize that the cutting being THICK AS HELL would mean that it would be way stronger even if it was the same length.

So, party at my place with close friends, all dressed up... it was a big mistake lol. I was tripping really hard, didn´t feel like stepping outside my bed, my friends were all there with me in my room in a kinda low mood bc it was obvious we wouldn´t go out, and even though they were having a nice talk and cracking jokes I didn´t felt like being around them.

My flatmate invited some friends so our house was noisy and full of people I didn´t know, and being forced to be on a ¨shallow¨ level of consciusness while tripping hard felt really weird.

After all of this people just went home at like 4am and me and my gf went to sleep. Thing is, I was still tripping hard as fuck!!! Trying to sleep while tripping is not fun lol. The day before we had seen Twin peaks fire walk with me and my head was full of images of dead girls. So yeah, bad trip.

It was really surprising, though, that many monsters and demons appeared in my visions. I don´t really know why but I can imagine these sorts of things with ease, and it isn´t scary but it is definitively uncomfortable and exhausting if it drags on for too long. They were clown-like in their feeling, even though I´m not afraid of clowns at all.

Yet, when instead of rejecting them I tried to love them (I literally said to them: ¨Why don´t you come over and have a meal with me¨?) they began crying as if they never knew love. It was powerful...

Back to the topic, I completely wasted an spiritual experience with San Pedro and I feel kinda bad about it. It isn´t the worst thing, but I really feel as if I disrespected this sacred medicine and I would like to ¨apologize¨ somehow. I´m wondering if it would be right to trip with a high dose in a controlled environment, doing it right this time.

Thanks for reading!