Grieving Update

I feel like I can't grieve. Since my mother died this September I'm broken, I push everything down. I'm numb to everything and yet even when alone I don't allow myself to feel the immense sadness I feel. There so much I need tl do. Close her accounts, figure out how to collect her 401k. I'm afraid if I let myself break down I'll never get back up again. The way I am now though isn't how I should be or want to be just numb, cold, unable to focus, or ings like simple plans. I see myself isolating and pushing everything and everyone away. However the solitude isn't scary like I thought it would be I actually welcome it. I'd rather be alone than feigning genuine interest when I just don't have it. Also I don't want to be the downer for people that I definitely am right now. I don't take joy in any of the things I used to and I have no idea on how to regain interest in the things I once loved. Grief is exhausting. That is something no one tells you. I'm tired all the and I feel like shit because just getting out of fucking bed and showering is a win for me at the moment. I know I need to make more of my day. Tackle the things I mentioned and I have been, but not as swiftly as I'd like. Anyway that's were I'm at hope everyone else in the thread is doing better. Advice welcomed.