Did anyone else delude themselves into thinking that " men don't want me because I am smart" because they weren't attractive.

This is a bit more personal so I don't know if anyone else will Relate or not.

Growing up I have / was always pretty smart. Straight A kid , top of class , the typical nerd honestly. I also have a cousin who tho is average smart, is quite beautiful, popular and cherry on top charming. People just flock to her . They want to be friends with her. She has had 7-8 boyfriends already. While I can only imagine that. I have never ever even been asked out and it's harder because during my teens I consoled my self with..." its alright men are intimidated by intelligent women". The reason being that it was the only quality no one could deny about me and made people talk to me somewhat. Or maybe I just replaced it with beauty.

I come from a conservative place so most of my other cousins and family members always said.." good for you honestly. Dating is a hassle anyway. Its tiring hiding stuff". Or like I have great morals for not dating when I am in teens(bffr they wouldn't want my life). Even more so because my mother practically told me this along with my sibling like constantly.

Now that I look back[20-21].. I feel so sad because I feel like i missed on a lot. No friends , no boyfriends, no memories nothing. I think having no friends made it even worse. Its wild because forget getting a boyfriend, I didnt even hear as much as silly rumours or had someone ask me out.this is kinda lead me to belive that even though other people say your personality is important its truly not. Beauty will always be a detrimental factor and I feel sad for all the other Intellectual women who may have gone thru the same thing.

Its wild how our perception is different. Another one of my cousins accidentally opened the above mentioned cousin's diary from ages 13-15..and this line is still ingrained in my brain "I don't even know most people but they know me and want to be friends with me. Lots of boys like me and I get lot of attention from them." " guy A asked me out and i told him no but he heard yes so I just dated him for boredom" Meanwhile I am dying to even hear a silly rumour " oh yeah he might like you".

Honestly sometimes I resent being only seen as the " nerdy know it all cousin" and being ignored.