I've been here for years now, never posted, never commented, just quietly learnt from you all. But I could really use you guys tonight

Nearly a year and a half sober. Strange confluence of shitty things happening in just about every significant relationship in my life at the same time within a few hours.

My folks unexpectedly invited themselves into my house without warning (for anxiety and PTSD and spectrum reasons I have asked repeatedly for clear communication about when to expect visitors).

A friend cancelled plans at the last minute after three followup texts over two days asking for confirmation, in spite of the fact that they would have known for days that they couldn't make it. Then I had to turn another friend down romantically.

A third friend is now being short with me/not responding to messages and I cannot figure out what I've done wrong, for the life of me. Because if I did something wrong it was during the period when I was offline turning down the second friend, so I did it in my absence. Texts were fine when I left, and kinda snippy when I got back.

And after that, I am just plum out of friends. My girlfriend's asleep and dealing with grief of her own, so I don't know who the fuck to lean on.

It feels stupid and small. Much, much worse things have happened over the past year and a half, but this is the most I've wanted to drink in a while. I don't know why. I feel lonely, and sad.

I'm taking myself for a walk. I'm staying sober, but I'm doing it very very much against my will. Love you all, sorry about this.