My sissy story

So I am from Romania, I am 19 years old and I have a gf. I started to experiment my sissy side in my early teen years and I talked to a lot of men online and played with my ass a lot back when I stayed with my parentsI even got myself a dildo, , but never had a real adventure. Now I am in uni in another city and with my gf of 2 years, I know she doesn't like any of this things and she wants me to be loyal but I always talk to men behind her back and send them photos of my ass and talk to them about fucking but I never get to actually do it since I am with her 90% of the time and when I am not with her she has my location. How can I cheat on her? I really need a cock in my ass. I also had my first ever sissygasm recently, not even playing with my ass, just imagining a man fuck me while she was already sleeping, I came so hard. I want to experience the pleasure of a man cumming in my ass.