The borderline will end up killing me

In October I was in intensive care due to a suicide attempt, I was diagnosed with borderline, I went through a lot of shit, a week after leaving the hospital I tried again, but I vomited everything, so all the medicines are given to me now, this night has been horrible, I can't sleep, I feel empty, I forget who I am, I feel like a person without personality and alone. I left my job because I only cried and vegetated during work hours, my college was saved because I already had a name in jobs that I have no idea about. I know everything people think about borderline people and it took me a while to accept my diagnosis because of that, but the truth is that I only hurt myself, I feel enormous guilt for having this disorder and I compare myself to horrible people I knew who also had it “could it be that I’m like them and I don’t realize it?” That's what I always think. This emptiness consumes me