R impossible because of my own shortcomings in the relationship

Together 15 years and found very explicit messages and even audio recordings from WP to a guy she met on reddit, which we’re attributing to a dopamine agonist she’s taking for a medical condition (known to cause impulse control issues and hypersexuality).

This situation has led me (F30) to confront how unsafe and unhealthy I had made the relationship from my emotional dysregulation and temper especially in the first couple of years, and my overreliance on her making our relationship work beyond that. Her (F30) current state of apathy from the meds have made her realize how unhappy she was from all the years of working on us by herself.

I want to make it work and I’m working on managing my emotions without holding her responsible but she’s seemed to have taken a stance that we need to separate to heal. Says she looks at me now and feels nothing, says why did it have to take such a drastic thing for me to step up and change, that this made her feel she wasn’t worth changing for, says doesn’t see us growing old together anymore. All of this happened in the span of two weeks.

Blindsided too by how the conversation shifted to a different issue altogether, although I recognize now my responsibility in the events leading up to the fallout. Initially I had said it was fine if she needed to continue chatting with her “friends” online to manage the effects of her medication but it still makes my stomach drop seeing her on her phone all the time. Also saw her on a call last night while using a toy (she’d been doing herself secretly after I fell asleep before the confrontation; hypersexuality is another effect of the meds), though we had already talked about taking a break last weekend so I felt I had no right to confront her about it.

She is my best friend and the only person I feel will ever truly know me. We grew up in highschool and struggled with our homophobic families and teachers and peers together, moved cities for uni together, navigated unemployment and toxic jobs and mental health and other illness together, got 2 cats together, and have been living with each other for the better part of 13 years.

She says she’ll always be my friend and still believes we’re soulmates, but that she just doesn’t have the energy to extend herself any further in that capacity for me anymore.

I don’t know at this point what to think, how to feel, what to do. All of these things happened in the span of 2 weeks and at first I was worried it was the medication talking, but now I doubt that’s the case.

Is there any hope?