How can I crave you so deeply but hate you so much

How can I crave you so deeply after what has been laid before us how can I always strap on my armor every time I whisper of your name appears is it this park that clicked the moment we spoke.. how can I hate you so much because of all the tricks up your sleeve or maybe what you chose and my final plea if you want to call it that I release you the nightmare You keep me in I will forever love you. Your Fates were never supposed to align