I (30f) am joining my bf’s (34m) family Christmas for the first time in 4 years. How do I survive this knowing many of them don’t like me much?

For context I met his family over Christmas in 2021, it was my first time meeting everyone except his younger brother who I get along with fine. We stayed with his parents for 2 nights and then his extended family for another few.

Since 2021, we have been apart for Christmas. I stay in our hometown and join in on my friends christmasses, but I am often lonely.

Christmas is already a sad and stressful time of the year for me. I grew up in a broken home, and am now living abroad and rarely get to see my family and connect with my culture for Christmas.

So Add the stress of meeting your partners family when they are all forced to spend time with one another for Christmas isn’t exactly easy either. I tried to make the best impression I could, brought gifts, offered to help, tried to make conversation. I often found myself on the side line of everything, or left out completely. I am anxious that this will repeat itself/that they will be even more hostile.

I hadn’t thought that things had gone that badly, but as the years have gone on, my boyfriend has not invited me back for Christmas until this year.

I am not making this up. It has come out (not all at once) that my bfs middle brother has made remarks asking if my bf was still „with that insert my nationality slut“, his mother has spread quite vicious rumours about me being an ungrateful and unkind person, a diva/brat and will consistently tell my bf to reconsider starting a relationship with his girl best friend, his aunty and uncle have expressed concern about me after my bf shared I had some mental health struggles, and it’s came out that his cousins were all talking to one another calling me boring/serious/mean and incompatible with my bf. I think this has mostly originated from his mother, and caught fire from there.

From where I stand, his youngest brother and grandma like me, his dad doesn’t care for me but just wants his son to give him grandchildren and he will accept any vessel (he actually said this with different words). Everyone else is likely not on my side.

We will be around his family for 3 weeks. I have already asked my boyfriend to try prioritise us, and keep boundaries with his family. But I don’t think he is very willing to do this.

I thought we were going to have a quiet Christmas together just the two of us, because he had initially told me this. I don’t want to spend Christmas apart again. So this has been sprung on me this week.

Do I just kill everyone with kindness? Or how do I manage this without having a complete breakdown?