Broke up with my (26F) bf (28M) after he lied—should I work on repair?
Recently left my (very sweet and loving) BF (28M) of 8 months when I caught him in a lie.
It was a small lie, too, but it involved the timing of him setting digital boundaries with a woman he’d hooked up with before meeting me: I told him during what eventually became our breakup that I wasn’t comfortable with him keeping these avenues open on social media; he told me he’d removed this woman weeks ago because he felt he no longer needed to keep the connection.
In reality, he’d unfollowed her just two days prior, right after I called him to ask why another woman who liked all his posts had started following me (this second woman turned out to be an old Hinge match).
Even after I gave him multiple opportunities to tell me when it had happened or what had caused his decision, he did not come clean until I told him, “You just told me something that isn’t true. How am I supposed to trust what you say?” and gave him his house key.
Only then did he admit it. He said he didn’t know why he lied about the timeframe, only that he was feeling afraid and thought if he admitted he did it after another woman reached out to me, that it would look bad. He also added that he felt stupid for “lying about small things like that” and that he doesn’t understand why he does “these things out of fear.”
I do recognize, however, that I have limited relationship experience and that some might not have been so quick to end things if they were in my shoes. He seemed very distraught by my endings things and said how he had nothing but good things to say about me and that he wanted to work through things.
I’m considering reaching out to him to understand more about his past to suggest he seeks professional help if it really is a pattern, per my own therapist’s suggestion. (My BF has told me before that he has a fragile ego and his fatal flaw is narcissism.)
I’ve had others on here tell me they think he’s cheating… but putting that aside, I now ask—what amount of lying in a relationship is acceptable or tolerable? Was my one-and-done an overreaction compared to his lie?
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UPDATE 12/9:
I reached out to repair and he wanted it too and asked if we could talk about what we’d need moving forward.
His friends have told him that my behavior (asking about a location glitch on Instagram maps one time that showed him at a known hook-up spot a mile from his house; asking why he’d started shaving his chest) is paranoid and that they could never see him cheating.
He has repeatedly told me in our calls since the breakup how much he felt that I didn’t see the best in him and that I suspected him of things he wasn’t doing when all he’s ever shown me is love (which is true; he was never cold in our relationship).
I’ve tried to tell him that I need honesty and there are obvious patterns in our communication, but he hasn’t admitted to lying again since the breakup and instead says that I never trusted him enough.
He also keeps asking if I even like or love him, if he’s building with someone who’s actually excited about him. When I try to directly address the lie, he says he “couldn’t remember” and “if it’s such a small thing, how is it not believable that I would have forgotten?”
I guess the one forward step is that he’s planning to do an ADHD consultation with a psychiatrist, but he hasn’t mentioned individual or couples therapy at all.
How should I go about repairing this? I feel really confused.
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TL;DR: My (26F) BF (28M) lied to me during a conversation. I ended things then and there, but now wonder if I was too quick to judge and how much space is normal to give for lies, omissions, minimizations, etc in a relationship.
We’re talking through repair but it’s been so confusing and I’m wondering if I overreacted and what to do now to move forward
Posted Dec 10, 2025, 2:51 AM UTC