21 M4F | #Connecticut #Online | I'm not sure what I want anymore

At least I'm not 100% sure. Not too long ago, I removed 4 years worth of posts I made to this sub and ones like it. Never did I end up finding someone perfect for me. And honestly I feel like I've lost whatever goal I set initially. All the specifics melted away into fantasy and if you asked me what I want, I could only say for certain that I want to be loved. Everything else feels like a fantasy...

If I could, I'd date my ultimate gaming partner. Someone who would stay up late on weekends trying out whatever dumb game I fished out of my library or back seating me while I struggle to beat Rainworld. I'd love to share story ideas both weird and freaky--Yes, I'm open to NSFW stuff, feel free to call me weird. Talking about fandoms, shooting rough drafts back and forth and either cringing or blushing at some of the scenarios we've crafted. Or forget the stories we write and what about ones made by others? My reading list is growing by the day and I'd love to nerd out about them. And nerd out about anything else. Computers. Video Games. Philosophy and Psychology. All of that I could spend hours talking about. And believe me by the 1 hour mark my brain starts to turn to slush and I get a little chaotic. If you can't match that vibe and being as weird as possible then I'd love that. If you're weird right out the gate, even better. When it comes to looks--We're all allowed our preferences--I love plus sized girls and Goths despite not being cool enough to attract them. But like I've said in all of my old posts, looks mean nothing if we can't hold up a conversation.

Part of me wants to be lied to and part of me wants to feel the real thing. What I know is I just want to be loved. Maybe I'll wake up to some nice messages or maybe I won't. At the very least I got to vent a little bit. If you're anything like me or anything like what I call a fantasy then maybe we'd get along.