One good female friend would change my life

If I had just one good, deep female friendship, my life would change IMMENSELY, for the better. That's all. I don't need a big girl group, I don't need lots of friends.

I have spent years mourning the fact that I'm the "friend" who gets ghosted. The one who no one reaches out to or checks in on. People I have considered my besties over the years clearly do not feel the same. Embarrassing!

I'm either too intense, mean, weird, blunt, etc. I've worked so hard to make myself a person that others might like and it doesn't work, so what's the point?

I have a female friend who's basically a monthly drinking buddy at this point. We don't really click or connect on anything, but we hang out because we are both immigrants who needed social interaction in this country 🫠 I'm also in a book club and I can feel that shift with them lately.... the "hmm she's a little weird" judgment that comes when I maybe stop masking so much.

But I need/want more!

On one hand, I feel like I will never be happy until I have a bestie.

On the other hand, I've sort of resigned myself to this life.

Anyone else in their 30s+ and feeling generally friendless?