The truth about why I feel vulnerable

Because when I first messaged you, it was because I had this feeling that it was supposed to be you. I don’t totally know what I expected, but I didn’t expect you not to fall into me at least a little. I knew things would be slow, but I didn’t think it would be this slow, or that after all this time you’d still only see me as a friend with some benefits. It’s hurtful, even if it’s realistic. And I know you’ve been honest with me from the start. I really do understand that part.

But in the background, I’ve been falling for you. I’ve been catching feelings I didn’t mean to grow. I’ve been imagining us together, wondering about a future, filling in the blank spaces with hope. I’ve been reading between the lines too much, searching for a spark that maybe I created in my own mind.

And it’s hard, because the way you look into my eyes when you kiss me, the way you hold me at night, the way you pull me close when I walk by… those made me believe there was something more. The softness, the touch, the talks about children and life, they made the dream feel real. I want that future so badly, and I’ve wanted you to want it too.

I know I can’t force anything, and I won’t. But I think I need to pull back for a bit, maybe even for good. I don’t want to fall in love with someone who doesn’t want me to. I don’t know where this ends. A part of me still believes we could end up somewhere beautiful together, but maybe that’s just a dream.
I'm going to fall back to protect myself. Not because I wasn't enjoying it. Because I know if I continue this I'll fall deeply in love with someone who can't reciprocate it and I don't want either of us handling that pain. To the void I really have to say That in my soul I know there's supposed to be something with you. Every intuitive feeling points to that. Every reading. Every emotion. It would be really beautiful to be able to watch that play out, even it's it's just a fantasy.