I accidentally cropdusted my co-workers!

I'm mortified!

I was minding my own business and being a productive member of society, then suddenly my abdomen swelled and started rumbling. Then I felt a sharp pain as if I bopped down on a bayonet. I was like oh no I feel several farties incoming! I had broccoli with dinner. That veggie usually gives me no trouble. But lately I've been eating a bag per day. For hormone health. Look it up (DIM). I guess that amount hits differently.

I try to keep it classy at work, you know, so I clenched as if my life depended on it. It was not like I'm at in my living room watching South Park, lying on my side and I could lift my leg and rip a thunderclap. But the pressure was too much, and their was a pop-pop-pop-pop--------pop! I felt hot hot wind seep up the seam of my narrow dairy air. One of the bubbliest pooters I've let out. I'm shocked that it was a completely dry one. I was like please gawd I hope no one heard that! I look around out the corners of my eyes and no one heard. Thank goodness for noisy workplaces. Then, I was like oh gawd I hope it doesn't smell.

And then it hit me like falling grand piano. A strong whiff of a dumpster outside of White Castle on torrid July afternoon. The funk then permeated the workspace.

What's worse, I had to move around some to complete my assigned tasks. People started to notice. I felt 98% of my body's blood supply flowing to my face. Oh the shame! There was the usual "fight or flight" response, except one person. Some were like "ew, it's smells like ass!" or "It smells like the sewage is backing up, WTF!", and then there were others who quickly GTFO. But one guy just FROZE. And gave a thousand-yard stare. Now that was unusual. Heh.

I pretended like nothing happened and continue working.