My nephew is a menace

Whenever I read stories about complicated family drama, I always assumed it wouldn’t happen to me now that I’m an adult (23F) and my family has been “done” with drama for years. But of course, my older brother just had to have a baby with a genuinely unstable woman (his ex-wife)…

Long story short, my 6-year-old nephew is staying with us under the guise of “fostering” until my brother can get custody. I don’t know how a six-year-old can cause this much chaos, but he is absolutely tearing our house apart.

I say "I don't know how" but it's really no wonder when his life was a trainwreck before we got him. First he was abused by his mother and her boyfriend. Then his maternal grandparents tried to compensate by giving him literally anything he wanted. And now he’s with us: A family that’s exhausted, bound by foster rules (no corporal punishment, no harsh grounding), and had only a week’s notice before he was dropped on our doorstep on Halloween.

I don’t want this to be a really, really lengthy, because the kid does 3-4 terrible things a day, but here’s a general idea of what we’ve dealt with in just the last month or two:

• He bosses us around constantly (clean up after him, play with him, give him whatever he wants).
• Calls us names. I’m an adult so it’s not that deep, but obviously we can’t let it escalate.
• Hits us.
• Breaks things non-stop.
• Calls us rude, annoying, etc. especially when being scolded.
• Tells us to “shush.”
• Asks us to make him food and then refuses to eat it or says it’s gross.
• Repeatedly tries to hit my dog.

There’s more, but honestly I forget half of it because it’s just so much. Everyone in the house is exhausted and depressed. I hate saying this about a kid, but he’s genuinely worn us all down.

Anyway, here’s what happened recently. My nephew loves chasing my dog even though we’ve told him over and over to stop. I’ve physically stepped in between them multiple times. He always brushes it off with “I’m just playing!” and we go through the whole “the dog doesn’t like that” spiel again.

Yesterday, I was gaming with friends when I saw him chase my dog into my room. As he stepped toward the doorway, my dog finally snapped. He went full ballastic mode with growling, baring his teeth, lunging wanting to bite He didn’t actually bite him, but he was clearly done. I grabbed my (rightfully angry) dog and put him in my room behind the baby gate I bought specifically because I knew my nephew would push his buttons.

My nephew then went on a rant about how he “hates” my dog (something he says often only to do a complete 180 ten minutes later and claim the dog is “the best dog in the world.”) When my sister told him the dog wasn’t leaving the house, he said the dog should stay in my room forever.

A few hours later I let my dog out to potty and test the waters. My nephew got all excited and wanted to give him a treat, but I told him no.

N: Why not?

Me: Because I don't want you going near the dog when you so obviously don't like him.

N: You're annoying, go away. Go to your room.

What I have to deal with on the daily. Then today, my dog was literally just sniffing the Christmas tree when my nephew went to throw something at him. My dad stepped in and scolded him, and my nephew yelled that he hates the dog again. At that point I got petty and said, “Well if you hate the dog, then I hate you.” He immediately told me I “wasn’t allowed” to say that.

I'm just tired man. There's another court hearing next month and we're hoping it'll go in my brother's favor so then he can take his child, but if not, then we might have to fully adopt my nephew.