Church question...really

I am a trans female and I am also a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. I am early in my transition, though my hair is long and at least to me, my chest seems like its pushing through a bit. Fwiw, I considered myself simply gay for a period of time. Ive also been celibate since realizing that, as it took a long time for me to come to terms with all this. I would have posted this to the LCMS forum but didn't, for obvious reasons (I was told I was possessed by demons last time).

My dilemma has several angles. First, I trust our theology. When I have gone to more affirming churches, I can see what is missing, from a pure theological perspective. But I am welcome there and generally I dont get misgendered.

But the bigger issue cropped up today. I have a dad who is not very nice to me. He doesnt officially know im trans but I think he suspects it.

I felt like I was having some serious concerns about my heart health this morning. Then I saw his text today, which was one of the nastiest ive ever received. That sent my mood spiraling and made my chest hurt even on top of why it already did, for whatever reason.

I had emailed my pastor who has become very good at not responding to emails from me anyways. I wanted to confirm that if I suffered a heart attack for example, that they would still let me have my funeral there. (Or, did I wonder, do i need to look st having it st another church I'd been attending). That's how scared I was this morning.

So I go about my day. In the afternoon, without warning, I got crazy nauseous and felt like I was having incredible hot flashes. Tbh, I thought i was having a heart attack. Whatever it was seemed to subside fairly quickly. Then I felt better and then went downhill again this evening in terms of how my chest felt.

But I noticed something. He did not reply to me.

Perhaps I should already know what all this means but im asking for kind replies, as I am very scared and alone.