An Analysis of Oregairu - The Deepest Show I've Ever Taken In

Hi everybody, I just finished Oregairu today and I've been analyzing it so much ever since I started it. I want to talk about what I think the main focus of the show is as well as what romance is in the show. It has completely changed my outlook on what relationships should be. I won’t talk about what the work’s main goal for the reader is, but instead what it teaches. The work’s main goal for the reader is to have them live out the work, not to simply understand it. Beautifully and fundamentally, the author is living out his own work by sharing its teachings with us.

I also recognize that I may be interpreting Oregairu incorrectly, but reviews like this are things I've been fond of doing for months now. The only other anime I've done this for is Violet Evergarden, and I feel like this show warrants it. This is my own analysis of it, and I understand very well that I may be missing central focuses of the show. I'm sharing it because I want to follow its teachings of making my internal life equal to my external life.

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I think it is clear to anyone who watches that this is not a typical rom-com. Instead, it's a critique of contemporary rom-coms. This is evident from the title, the complete lack of romantic development for the majority of the show, the use of romantic tropes in a way that's subservient to the main focus of the show, and the definition of romance the show provides. Instead, this show focuses on what it means to have ethical relationships with other humans.

There is some groundwork this show establishes that sets this up: romance, codependence, responsibility, deceptions, and primarily the "real thing."

Season 2 episode 8 is the clear turning point in the show, where Hachiman comes to two realizations: he wants something, and he wants the real thing. Hachiman, as the most basic and boring of humans, by wanting something, is wanting something that all humans truly want. The object of his desire is towards complete and existential acknowledgment of others as their own selves. It is not mere understanding another in the typical sense, but understanding another to be their complete and full selves as they are: free.

This is why deceptions are the foremost ethical perversions of what the real thing is. It is an all-encompassing term that the show understands as a hiding of who you are. Because the show identifies the ultimate ethical goal in relationships to be complete and full understanding, attempting to hide part of who you are, either in action, word, self-denial, or self-concealment, is the ultimate thing the show is arguing against. Oregairu's saying to make your outward self a complete and full picture of your internal self. It's saying to expose who you are to the world is the ultimate goal of living, not paint a false picture via deceptions.

The primary goal of deceptions in Oregairu is to keep the status quo. There are two ways in which this occurs: one by Yui and one by Hikigaya. Hikigaya wants to keep the status quo for the sake of the status quo. This is what he lands himself out of by S2E8 if not before. This is a clearly wrong depiction of how relationships are supposed to work; he is not exposing who he is but manipulating people to respond to a fake version of him and thus a fake situation. It is removing responsibility and agency from other people as well. Once Hikigaya recognized this, he decided to stop doing it to himself. He did do it a few other times, however; one example is him creating a "scapegoat" prom idea to be rejected.

Yui acts deceitfully in wanting to keep the status quo because she truly wants what is in it: the Service club. This is why Yui was the most tragic character, even though she was partly on the track. She recognized this is fundamentally wrong; she repeatedly calls this wish a "lie" and "wrong." In S2E13, Hikigaya explicitly calls it "mutual back-scratching" and a "deception." In the scene where she and Hikigaya are watching a movie to prepare for planning the scapegoat prom, Yui multiple times recognizes it is wrong. She knows that the group should break apart, but she consciously decides to support the opposite, knowing it will hurt her even more when that happens. It truly did hurt her, too, when Hikigaya granted her wish to know who he is in S3E11; he said the group should have broken apart because it was formed off of deceit, and although she knew this she just started crying later. Being hurt is another concept of this show that it expresses through responsibility.

Responsibility in Oregairu isn't just accepting the consequences one agrees to; it's accepting the existential implications of existing in a relational world. It's accepting that by living in a relational world, you will always hurt people and you will always be hurt, consciously or unconsciously. Again, Yui is the prime example of both of these; when Hikigaya receives notice that the Prom will be cancelled, he decides to help Yukino, unconsciously hurting Yui who's still deceiving Hikigaya by hiding herself--God I feel so bad for Yui. Yukino and Hikigaya consciously do the same by fulfilling her wish of wanting a genuine relationship, breaking the ones she has (Hikigaya acknowledges this in S3E11 when discussing with Yui). Responsibility was established very early in the series with Hikigaya's deceptions; he was taking complete responsibility of a situation (thus becoming the scapegoat), not allowing people to mature in the face of exposure of what other people wanted. Responsibility is supposed to be limited and two-way in a relationship, not allowing for codependency.

Codependency is a very unique word that Oregairu uses. I'm having a hard time pinpointing what it exactly means, but I think Yukino's reflection on Hikigaya's attempt to create the prom gives the best nuanced understanding of it. Hikigaya did not directly help Yukino; in fact, Yukino's plan goes exactly as she wants it to. However, she knew this would not happen without Hikigaya's help. Instead of trying to solve the problem that Hikigaya was going to, she says (S3E10 or S3E11) she unconsciously trusted him. Codependency thus arrives when someone unconsciously relies on someone else when they should not. From this, it is clear that it arises concurrently with deception, failing to achieve the "real thing," failing at the whole goal of the show. I say unconsciously because conscious reliance isn't codependence but just dependence. This definition of codependency is also why Hikigaya, in a blinding moment of honesty, clarifies in response to Hiratsuka (the teacher, representing maturity and adulthood) that codependency cannot define his relationship with the three: their relationships have many aspects that are not pure unconscious reliance, but include conscious reliance, enjoyment, communication, and more.

This leads into the definition of romance that the show provides. No definition of romance was given until S3E11; all other romantic tropes and potential interests were corrupted by deception or codependency. Two instances of romance arise that could be counterexamples: Yobe and Hayama. Yobe "liking" someone is completely insufficient to describe romance. Hikigaya explicitly says "I love you" cannot capture what he feels or thinks about Yukino (S3E11), let alone a lesser term such as "like." Hayama's romantic aspects do serve as a foreshadowing of what romance is, but it isn't fully fleshed out. His development culminates when he refuses to tell people what he's going to be doing for the future. Instead of desiring to be with someone or let them interfere with his life, which is what he interprets the confessions to be. Instead, he wants to live his own life for a while. His interpretations of the confessions lead into the fully fleshed out definition of romance by the end of the show.

It would be a shame to define romance without considering the granting of Yui’s wish leading to a realization that there is no romance between herself and Hikigaya, which she explicitly recognizes (I feel so so sad for Yui), but that point in the story serves as the end of the actual story, where the deceptions of the group truly end. Romance must be interpreted in light of the conclusion of the main story, then. In a sense, it is the best fulfillment of the real thing. In S2E8, Hikigaya formulates what the real thing is: “If a relationship exists where we can force that ugly self-consciousness on each other, and accept it… I want the real thing.” This ugly self-consciousness that Hikigaya defines is the desire to understand someone for who and what they truly are: “I want to understand. I want to know.” This is a conscious effort by Hikigaya. Thus, because all deception has been removed, romance is to consciously want your existence to be shared with another. This isn’t reducible to sharing time, emotions, words, etc. It is a sharing of who you are; it doesn’t merge the people, and it’s not obligation. It’s “distorting” your own and someone else’s life in light of each other’s. It is a mutual acceptance and desire for a presence in each other’s life that is not reducible to anything other than a sharing of who you are. According to Oregairu, the greatest fulfillment of knowing someone is a mutual sharing of yourselves as your individual selves.