I think I’m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore. Need advice on how to fix (23F and 23M)

Hello,

This is my first ever post on Reddit and I’m writing on my phone so please forgive me for formatting issues. I made this account to seek advice on this issue and have never used Reddit before. I want to immediately ask that this post not be shared to other platforms as I don’t want to see this on reels or FYP.

I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for a little over 3 years. I want to start this off by saying he is amazing in every way and our relationship is amazing. We don’t live together but have regular sleepovers at his place and go on dates a few times a month. He is extremely patient and thoughtful and knowing him has genuinely made me a better version of myself. We both do a lot for each other and it is a very balanced relationship.

The problem I’m posting about has been an issue since we first got together. I really need some advice on what to do so im going to provide as much information as I can about our situation.

For starters, I normally have a very high libido while his is much lower than mine. When we got together I made the first move in bed and kind of had to take the lead as he was inexperienced and didn’t really know what to do. A couple months into the relationship I started to realize that I was the only one initiating and more times then not he would turn me down. I confronted him about this and we had a conversation where he confessed that the thought of having intimacy made him very anxious and he had extremely low confidence in that area which killed his libido. We talked about ways we could both do things differently to help and I thought things would improve. Unfortunately they did not improve as much as I’d hoped and at one point we went nearly 5 months without intimacy because I decided to stop initiating. We had another talk a little over a year into our relationship where he said that me pressuring him so much ruined intimacy for him and he didn’t know if I could ever fix it. The way he described it made me feel like an abuser and I was genuinely disgusted with myself for not realizing he felt this way on my own. He eventually retracted his statements after realizing how distraught I was over it. He said that he was over exaggerating and knew he could get over it if I gave him time.

A lot of time has passed and I feel like my own libido around him has died. He has gotten better but still doesn’t initiate much. He mentioned a few months ago that he wishes we were more sexually active and spontaneous. But instead of initiating he just gives indications that he is in the mood or asks if we can have intimacy so that I can initiate. We still have intimacy a couple times a month but I find myself completely uninterested and like I’m just acting out of obligation. I only initiate it now when I can tell he’s in the mood and is thinking about it. I still enjoy it while we do it but it just feels like my body is reacting and I’m not mentally into it. Lately I have been reflecting and I think I’m not sexually attracted to him anymore. This is troubling me greatly and its starting to effect the rest of our relationship because now I’ve also started to get turned off by some of his qualities that never bothered me before. The sound of his voice has started to irritate me and when we kiss I have to hold my breath because the smell of his breath makes me feel sick even when it doesn’t smell bad. I constantly feel like he is talking down to me and I’ve found myself questioning our compatibility in other areas. I’m starting to feel like maybe I’ve overlooked red flags in the past and realizing one thing has opened the flood gates and I’m starting to reconsider the relationship.

Another thing I’ve noticed that I never thought of before is that normally I love dirty texting and flirting but have never felt the desire to do so with him. I think it is because he was never receptive to it before and now that we are in a place where he would be open to it, the thought of doing it makes me uncomfortable.

I want to note that we can both be described as conventionally attractive. So appearance/weight has nothing to do with this.

I really need advice on what to do in this situation. I love him and don’t want this to be the end of our relationship. He really is a great boyfriend and both of us have said that we can’t imagine being where we are today without each other. We are mutually supportive of each other and he is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner besides this one thing. Our relationship is perfect in every other way. Why am I losing attraction for him and what can I do to improve things?