2 weeks of REAL No Contact, just want to vent

Just wanna vent lol

My and my now ex (both 20) met last year at University and started formarly dating on December 26. Everything went amazing, but on August ive sensed something was off and we went for a coffee and she told me there were certain things about me she didnt like, like I wasn't paying mich attention to her, we werent seeing each other a lot (mind u we saw each other EVERY DAY AT UNI and talked and texted all the time) and i wasn't affectionate enough and that.

So the next MONTHS i started to do things. Bought her coffee, we went on dates, birthday parties, even went to the cinema and HAD SEX. So everything was great right?

So a week later she broke up with me because of the same things, its as iif even thoughI tried she couldn'tsee my effort. She told me she didnt want someone with 'those qualities' in her life, but she told me she loved me and wanted to stay in,touch and with my family and all. This was October 3rd.

The next month I was feeling like shit. I texred her crying every 2 days and couldn't even work properly, i was honesteoy bedrotting. Later that month SHE INVITED ME to a coffee and talking and i told her i couldnt be her friend and I wanted to improve and she told me "me too, i cant see myself not being your partner". On november SHE INVITED ME to a show she was signing at and i went and later she toldme about how it was best for us to stop talking. I told her I wont see her again until next year and she said "Well maybe we can see each other before December ends".

I dont understand her.

After some pretty rough days of watching her Instagram I decided to block her. That was 2 weeks ago. I texted her telling her that and that I was gonna wait until end of January to see what we would do. She started talking A LOT about how there was nothing to talk about and her mind was made up day 1 (A LIE LOL) and even if I promise her i wont change cuz i was too late to change things. I told her "Im gonna change for me, goodbye" and she satarted yapping about "yeah i know u can". What a full of shit.

In the past weeks i started going to therapy, reading, meditating, adnd honestly I'm still thinking about her a lot. I dont understand cuz she says shes done but then she did all those (and many more) weird things. Some part of me still wants her back, but not as in October, idk its kinda weird now.

What i get really mad about is how she couldn't see all the things i did for her and many more when she told me about them. Its like she is blind for what I did at the begging and everything else, she just cant see it. Im scared she's 100% made up cuz idk I still think we can work it out if she wasn't so closed off. She just doesnt trust me idk.

Idk some part of me still thinls she will get around, she has to, but ifl anymore. And as I dont have any way of communicating or knowing what shes doing, lately ive been getting to the conclusion that WE ARE DONE SHE HATES ME ILL NEVER GET HER SHE FORGOT ABOUT EVERTRHING WE HAD, and idk its tiring man

Im just tired lol