I've never had a consensual sexual encounter.

To be fair, I haven't had many sexual experiences in general but every single one that I have had was non consensual in some way or another. Whether it be because of age or intoxication or whatever. I'm too socially uncomfortable to seek out a consensual experience so I guess any in the future are also going to be noncon. Would I even be able to enjoy it if it ever did happen consensually? Is being violated the only sexual contact I'll have? It's so intertwined with my sexuality and identity at this point.