Help! “Distraction is a compulsion”

there was a post last night about this i read on here and it made me spiral… and made me feel angry and so very tired. I’ve thought about unaliving myself that went on from early evening to 4 am last night because what was the point? “I cant help myself like this, so im bound to just be miserable, stimming in my ocd trying to regulate it for the rest of my life so whats the point”. Still alive tho! (And i dont by any means blame this post i just have trouble with regulating). Which is good but I had woken up and immediately ofcourse since ocd sucks, intrusive thoughts came knocking and ive tried to do my usual “ok i guess/maybe, maybe not” thought process.

Usually in the morning id get myself a book to read or go on youtube before i start my studies but now im overthinking the distraction is a compulsion part.

Im currently unemployed so getting professional help is out of the question for now, so can I please ask what I’m doing wrong? Im so tired of sitting in my anxiety and regulating. I can’t be productive if I just sit in my anxiety and not distract myself with something nice to stimulate my brain. May I ask what do you do instead?

Help please?