I don't see a future in our relationship, but I can't leave yet

Hi. I've been in a relationship for a year, and about a month ago we officially moved in together. That's when everything started to go downhill.

On the night we signed the lease, I found out that for part of our relationship he had been using drugs, although he said he quit. It suddenly explained so many things about his behavior back then, but it also made him feel like a completely different person to me.

To me it felt like a betrayal. While I was sick and asking him to come over, he told me he was "busy." He couldn't find money to buy me a birthday present. All of that suddenly made sense once I learned the truth.

Then we started living together. I paid the entire deposit for the apartment. Because of the move, his unemployment benefits were put on hold, and he started looking for work. Two months passed.

He got a temporary job, but he was fired after a 5-day trial period. During that time, he constantly yelled at me, snapped at me, and said he was "exhausted." Every morning I woke up earlier than him, packed food for both of us, made breakfast, and cooked dinner after work. He never thanked me even once.

After he was fired, he acted the same, but blamed it on the "stress from losing his job." Now I'm the one working, paying for both of us and the apartment. I cook, I clean. And he still gets angry at me, saying he's tired too and that I "don't do enough." He says I earn too little to support us properly, so he doesn't see the point of "being a househusband." He throws tantrums. He'll throw my favorite coffee mug across the kitchen, or hit the wall until a chunk of plaster falls off.

Today we went to take care of some documents.

While I spoke with the employee, he played Clash Royale on his phone and didn't participate at all.

After we left, I asked him to help me carry my scarf. We were talking, and he started saying that I always leave my things everywhere, so if he ever breaks something, it won't be his fault. When I responded, he threw my scarf into a puddle, took the keys, and walked away.

I called him. He told me to go home and get the keys myself "if they're so important." I was terrified he would hurt the dog or break something, so I went back. We haven't spoken since.

Right now, I can't evict him because the lease is in both of our names and we are both registered at the address. I'm just waiting for the contract to end or for some chance to move out...

I don't want to say directly that I want to break up. I think after today he already understands. I don't see a future with him. I'm not going to marry him or have children with him. I don't want to spend my future next to this person. But for now, I don't have another option.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I moved in together a few monthes ago, and everything has gone downhill. He used drugs earlier in our relationship, hides things, yells at me, breaks my things, refuses to work, and makes me financially support both of us while blaming me for "not doing enough." I can't evict him because the lease is in both of our names. I don't see a future with him, but I currently have no way to leave.

Posted Dec 10, 2025, 2:52 PM UTC

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