My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack?

So I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 months now. Everything’s gone great. We’ve had a couple ups and downs as expected - I wasn’t honest with her once which I’ve learned from etc. We’ve begun communicating properly, I’m more than open to constructive criticism such as habits she finds annoying etc.

Yet she doesn’t seem to reciprocate a whole lot. For example when she’s in a mood, she speaks down to me in a way I wouldn’t, giving me attitude and being snappy in general. Last week she asked to help find her AirPods whilst I worked from home, to which I responded asking where she last saw them so I knew where to start. She then snapped asking “what the Fs it’s got to do with the price of eggs” to which I ignored her and went back to my work.

Things like this happen often, and that alone doesn’t bother me. What does, is the fact if I spoke to her like that she’d breakdown and call me “mean”. So I ask her why she speaks to me like that and apparently it’s my “stupid responses”, which still shouldn’t trigger that kind of reaction from someone.

I understand she grew up in a pretty abusive household with a dad who was out of the picture, so her choice of words etc she may not think twice about whether it comes across as rude. But she doesn’t like it back.

For instance, a month ago we got in the car and she couldn’t find her phone. We were already in a rush and she expected me to go back inside and find it for her, to which I responded asking why when it’s her phone and her responsibility, as she was trying to make it my problem. She did not like this one at all, even though it’s true and I would’ve had no idea. Since then, she’s admitted she held it against me when I’ve lost something and she knows where it is, by not telling me and watching me find it. Which isn’t exactly fair when I’m used to running around after her, when I’m not in a rush.

In mornings, I tend to drop her and her kid off at school by 9. I start work from home at 9 so I like to leave by 8:45 to get back in time. By this time, I’m in the car and I’ve got the kid in his car seat ready to go. And she’s takes another 5 minutes, so I’m sometimes late. I’ve mentioned this before, and it’s never her fault and I never receive an apology. It’s almost like as long as she gets him to school on time that’s the only thing that matters. And apparently I’m a “dick” for saying if we’ve not left by 8:45 im not doing it.

All in all - she hardly takes accountability for anything. If I do something right, it’s as expected, if I do something wrong whether it’s my fault or not, it’s the end of the world. Lastly, she doesn’t like to stay in bed late. If she sleeps past 10:30, it’s my fault for not waking her up. When I ask why she didn’t have an alarm set, she holds it against me. Seems like I’m the first man she’s been with who’s held her accountable before, like it’s a foreign concept to her.