Post breakup

It hasn't been long since the breakup. It feels like a bitter sweet relief and a sense of so much pressure to be the perfect partner lifted. I just know Im gonna have to do so much work to back to who I was before I was broken down. It's incredibly hard to not go back and analyze all of our messages, especially the last ones, just to prove to myself I truly did try my best to be patient, understanding, and caring. But I have to remind myself that the way she sees events are not true to reality, and there is no point in me trying to go back and see all the wrong I did. Because to her, it all was wrong. I definitely wasn't perfect and did do my share of mistakes. But I definitely wasn't everything she said i was.

It's going to be a long time before I can get back my confidence and be sure of myself and reality. And I just want to say. Props to all those who are able to diffuse and talk through those complicated moments with their pwBPD. I know it's not their fault and they aren't bad people. But it really takes an endurance and an extremely healthy form of communication. I'll always regret not being able to come through on that end for them.