i miss you a little extra today

B,

I accidentally sent you a message request on Spotify. When I clicked your name, sabi kasi dun may message request daw and I may or may have not accidentally clicked “Accept.” I deleted our history of shared songs sa Spotify out of panic and shame. And wala din naman nacreate na new convo so I guess you rejected the request. Haha. Silly me. Pero seryoso akala ko lang talaga meron request from you kaya napa-click ako. Wala eh, umasa ako. Haha.

I’m talking to this guy and I told him na I’ll be working at a coffee shop tonight. I remembered you. Namiss tuloy kita lalo. Kasi you used to say na sasamahan mo ako, na kahit di kita pansinin or di tayo masyadong mag-usap. You’d say na magdadala ka ng book mo at magbabasa ka lang beside me. You’d say ”I won’t bother you, promise! Gusto lang talaga kita makasama.” kaya siguro working outside (or just going to the coffee shop we used to go to) hits different now.

Just a month ago today, dumaan ka sa bahay after gym and you just hugged and kissed me. That was what, 10-15 mins lang siguro yun. Super quick lang. Sabi mo gusto mo lang talaga ako makita. And then I heard you mutter under your breath, ”Worth it!”

I feel pathetic for still thinking about you. I was lovebombed. You ghosted me. I’m still devastated. I don’t know until when ako ganito. All I know is that I just miss you so much. di ka na ba talaga babalik?

• M