AITAH for wanting to take life one step at a time and not be married off?

I (24M) am Muslim (important later on and may help with people to relate) live about 1200 miles away from my family for a job. My parents were sad to see me go but they were super supportive of me starting my career and we had always talked about me coming back home (They live in urban area so its also financially better for me if I go back). I also started a masters degree about a year ago and have thankfully received it about a week ago.

When I lived with them, there was a lot of micromanaging that I just shoved under the rug (not to drive so much, dont eat out a lot, curfews, going to mosque often) and I didn't mind as they were just looking out for me. However, ever since I moved to AZ, everything I do seems less than enough for them. Big thing is finances. I wouldn't say I'm the best at finances but I'm saving about 50% of my monthly income in investment accounts and some more in retirement accounts. After groceries and rent, I get like maybe max 10% of my monthly income to do fun stuff with. They don't like that. They want MORE savings. Thats not a big deal since more savings is fun but they (especially mom) don't have the breakdown as readily available as I do.

Now, I'm also talking/dating a Catholic woman (21F) back home in Seattle. I know it's difficult and we have a lot of cultural and religious differences but she has honestly benefited my life more than anyone else. More than just providing comfort, she demonstrated responsibility, discipline and encouraged me to learn more about Islam and I truly value her and honestly see it maybe working out if we figure out our differences. I brought up the idea casually to my parents and they were EXTREMELY against the idea simply because shes catholic (and maybe different race?). They were SOOO against it, that they started asking family friends for their daughters to wed me to. Obviously, I wasn't too fond with that idea but I just saying 'no I don't want that' was and is not an option.

They settled on a girl, call her Eli, who was a family friend and scheduled a call between me and her father. Now, mind you, I'm still doing my masters at the time and Im 1200 miles away from Eli with no guarantee of moving back. So I voiced my concerns "I'd rather take life one at a time and try to finish my degree, get a better job in Seattle and THEN give Eli a fair chance" (I didn't mention I'd also be giving my gf a priority chance to avoid drama). As expected, they saw that as a 'stupid' reason similar to the 'stupid' reason of withholding 10% of my monthly income as play money and continued with their task. Now, they explicitly stated that if I did not like Eli, marriage was called off. So they were giving me the final decision. Or so I thought.

The conversation with Eli's father was awful. My family is traditional and so are our family friends. I'm impartial either way but I have learned (by my gf) to be more cautious and calculated with respect to income and economy.

One of Eli's father's questions was 'Would you marry a woman who has no income?'

I said, 'Yes but I'd expect her to provide value in some other way. But why would Eli have no income? She is pursuing an advanced degree in engineering. As someone who is also doing that, it would be odd to spend 16 years of my life studying and then drop it all like it never mattered'.

His reply: 'Well in my family, women don't work. I provide for them all and...hehe...it's a lot'

Now, if a woman's preference is to be a SAHM, I support. But the father seems to be FORCING her to stay at home AND letting me know it's gonna suck. I was like...yeah no thanks and told him and my parents.

That obviously didn't sit well with them saying that "I'm not a man for wanting a woman to work and buy stuff" and that I should "always listen to parents because that's an Islamic thing to do". But I thought I had the final say in this? Evidently not.

Flash forward to couple days ago(couple months after the phone with Eli's father) and I graduate masters and on call with mom. She then says, she can't wait to have me come back and get with Eli. I was like...I don't think so plus with the job market, I don't even know when I'll come back. I'm applying but there is no definite time. She DID NOT like that.

She texted me that she wanted to talk again at night with me, her and my dad. I played dumb and asked why. She said it was important. I work 10hr shifts and have pretty easy workload but I like to hit gym, go to the mosque, apply to jobs, cook my meals, and (currently) am building a 4000 piece lego set so I honestly would not be free until like 11:00pm and I DID NOT want to get into an argument at 11:00pm. So I said, if it's important can you text me? I'm pretty busy all day and might be able to talk until the weekend. No response. I started getting no responses for my daily 'good morning' texts.

FFW to today. I get a wall of text from my mom and the summary is as follows:

- If you are still with that non-Muslim girl, please don't talk to us and refund your flight to Seattle (was visiting over Christmas).

- You ruined your chances with Eli and brought shame upon us

- You say you want time to learn Islam but it's not that hard just pray and respect family

- Allah (God) strikes you down if you disobey family. You're never going to paradise if you disobey us.

- We will NEVER accept you or your non-Muslim wife.

- We are looking for an apartment for you in Seattle so you don't have to rent and can save money.

Great, an ultimatum at 4am. I tried to maintain my cool and said "Lets hold on the apartment, I'd rather spend 24k a year making 150k+ and then find somewhere I enjoy staying rather then drop $500k on a 2 bedroom apartment forcing me to live there. There's more to Islam and I get what you are saying but I don't think I'm as knowledgeable as dad or you and don't know if I'm ready for fatherhood. And I didn't mess up with Eli, you suggested and I didn't like, case closed no?

Also, kind of unrelated note but my younger brother is pretty troubled. Hes 19 and isn't going to college (big NO in our family), has no plans, has run ins with the law and has been to court, does drugs, stays out of the house for months with no notice, pretty much doesn't practice Islam, curses my parents aloud, threatens to commit violence. He's a mess but he's slowly improving thankfully. They LOVE him and are giving him space to reform and want him to feel included in the family. I personally don't have the patience for that but I applaud them for that. Not to sound comparative, but why is he able to get away with all that and still be seen as a son and part of the family but me saying no to a marriage I NEVER wanted gets me ostracized. Is it cuz I'm the eldest and expected to lead by example or something?

Haven't gotten a response yet but what do you guys think? Am I taking life too slow and are they in the right? Should I at least talk to Eli--even though I REALLY WANT this to work out with my gf (she is aware of the situation and wants me to do what is best for me and my family)?