New experience with quidding.

On Monday I chewed about 3.6g of plain leaf, which was more than I had ever done. It was interesting, like it wasn’t super powerful but I also did not quite feel me anymore. Like I understood who I was but at the same time couldn’t quite functionally “be” myself anymore or fully acknowledge details about myself. It was not an intense ego death or anything just kinda dissociative in a way that didn’t feel disturbing or wrong it was just like “yeah, this is what it is”. When I stared at the ceiling I would see static and the ceiling would shift and slide a bit. And most of what happened was I felt heavy and sleepy, and I just laid down on the couch and closed my eyes and dreamed a bit. Like wakeful dreaming. Not totally out of my control tho. Oddly enough one piece of the dreaming was kind of about having taken shrooms or something and losing my mind and running around the city next to where I grew up. And running into the state park where I used to hike and seeing shit and running through the woods. To me, this didn’t feel like I was “being shown” something, I think I was just thinking about it bc I was considering taking a low dose of shroom that day and instead did the salvia, and sometimes I get anxiety about losing control due to reading people’s drug horror stories on the internet and shit. But really the majority of what I was experiencing was just abstract sensations.

Oh, I did have one weird thing happen. I was lying there and I kept seeing or “sensing” like reptile scales. But in very abstract forms. I thought a bit about how when I try to meditate lately, it feels like my awareness has become slippery. And I mean sober meditation. Like I’ve been having a hard time staying present and focused lately, and there’s is a distinct feeling of “slipperiness” or like when I’m about to lock onto something with my focus, it gets dragged away from me and I am pushed back into looping thoughts. And I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and wondering why it feels different than it did in the past when this would happen. Not obsessing, just wondering. And on the salvia while I was thinking about this and seeing the reptile shapes, the reptile shapes became slightly “alive” and I almost started to have a sort of intuitive conversation with them.

It was sort of like I asked the question about why my attention has been so slippery lately, and the reptile shapes slipped downwards, sort of as to say “come catch me hahaha”. And I kept pushing downwards to inquire more and it kept slipping down and down. It was kind of like I was witnessing an inner dynamic of mine come alive. Or rather it felt like the cognitive slipperiness I’ve been experiencing lately was really being perpetuated by this snake being/spirit. But it didn’t feel like the snake being is malevolent but that’s just what it does, same way any animal looks for food bc that’s what they do.

Also toward the end of the experience I felt a sort of nasty feeling in my body. Kind of like the salvia was bringing my attention to the effect of some of my bad habits on my body. Specifically vaping. I also think the salvia dehydrated me, it made me piss a lot so that could’ve been part of it.

The whole thing lasted probably like 30-45 mins and then I think the effects fully wore off after like an hour and a half or two hours. for a good bit I felt really nice and I was smiling and felt pretty good. then for most of the rest of the day I felt kind of wired and slightly over stimulated.

It’s crazy bc that tiny experience felt more truthful and productive and I feel like I learned more than anytime I’ve done mushrooms. Mushrooms for me more feel like I’m have something done to my body, getting rewired or like some spiritual surgery is being performed on me by some spirit friends and I just have to relax through it. It’s great. But with this short experience with salvia I feel like I was communicating and being communicated with. It felt more like a conversation, like information was being given to me rather than changes being made in my system without much input from me.

And the next day I felt so much more creative. I work in a farm stand and I found myself carving a carrot into a finger with my knife and I wasted so much time I should’ve been working doing that lmao. But internally it felt like “fuck yes I’m doing something creative I love this even though it’s just a stupid carrot carving this is what I’m meant to be doing how wonderful”. I got such a dopamine hit from doing that and other things like that.

Very cool experience. Will do again with slightly more once I feel good and integrated with this experience.