How to stop yourself from being self-destructive/is this just RSD?

Okay so I have been married to my partner for nearly 3 years now, together for 5, known each other for 7.

They have a brain injury from a car accident we had after we got married and I am their carer when they need it (e.g. things are too overwhelming, picking up slack with chores, work etc.). It isn't a severe brain injury, they are able to do things for themselves but they do struggle sometimes.

I have a terrible habit (which I've been told is due to my ADHD) of blowing things up when things are too much.

Recently I've been caring for my spouse all day, every day due to them struggling. I feel like a work horse and it's hard for me to ramp up my want to do all the things/dopamine levels but I know I'll let them down if I don't, so I carry on to the point of burnout.

They have been pretty difficult recently - I feel like I'm micromanaged all the time if they see me not working (literally all day, every day) and not appreciated in my relationship. They have been picking an argument with me every chance they get, then saying it's me that started it and it's exhausting.

Today they straight up told me that we need some us-time together because I'm "annoying them all the time" - literally just by existing, my ticks, the way that I talk even.

I have literally just been trying to keep everything together, I've done all of my work and their work (we work from home), kept the house clean, fed them, made sure I went and got everything they wanted whilst they've been struggling and now I just feel like I'm pushing myself to the brink for someone that doesn't appreciate me.

After that, I've been in my head continuously, aware that I'm feeling the way I've felt before when I've wanted to blow everything up and run away.

So my question is - is this my RSD talking or does it seem as though I'm right in feeling this way? Also, how do you stop yourself from destroying everything you have when you've feel like you've been pushed too far?

Apologies for the rant.