My 25F mother 43F is constantly messaging MIL “tattling” on us and starting drama with MIL and I.

My mother is very much not self aware about her behavior. She loves to guilt trip and fear monger. She has a victim complex. She is quick to let everyone in our lives outside of the home know about our personal business and make everyone else seem like the bad guys, particularly my husband. Even though I’ve asked her to stop multiple times over the years, she doesn’t. Because of the person that I am and I fell for it every time in the past, not really seeing it myself because my mental health was so bad. Recently, after mine and my dad’s last big blow out, I told them I was considering moving out and that they both need therapy. It was constant threats of kicking us out and constant bitching and complaining. She even went so far as to threaten calling CPS on us if we tried leaving with our kids.

I was scared to let my mom know definitively that my husband and I had came to the decision of moving out, for ours and our kids own well being. Finally, I did tell her two weeks ago today. She thinks that me coming to that decision was solely based on my father, their threats, their complaining, and the fact that he scares me when he’s mad. That was a big reason, yes, but since our last fight it’s been fine between him and I. She is a HUGE reason I want to leave, and just the fact I’ve always wanted to move out and be on my own. They push me to be responsible and independent, yet they won’t actually let me.

Anyways, my mom messaged my husbands mom with a shit ton of pictures of our room the other day. We had went out to have lunch with my husbands parents and some other family members, for my oldest daughters birthday. My mom was going to send the pictures WHEN she took them, WHILE we were out for lunch for our daughter’s birthday. My brother had to remind her of my daughter’s birthday. Not long after we got home, we received messages from my husband’s mother. I’m not gonna write out the messages, word for word, that went with the pictures, but I am gonna say the type of pictures, the reasoning behind them and things that they do that contradict what they’re doing.

She sent a picture of and around our youngest son’s bed, naturally, he’s not even 2 yet, there’s gonna be crumbs in and around his bed. we give him food and snacks in there whenever we eat or when he’s hungry if we’re not eating. We make sure around and in his bed is cleaned every night before bed. We have a blow up mattress currently because we just recently moved into a new house, so no sheets fit it and we just have a comforter spread over top. She flipped our comforter and took a picture of the side of our bed where our son is, there are spots all over where our son throws out his cup on our bed and gets milk/juice on it.

She took a picture of our window, it was open a little bit, it’s cold where we live. Also gets super hot in our room, hot enough we notice our son sweating a lot, as well as us. She took a picture at the foot of our bed, where our tv and tv stand is. We had like 5 dishes from the past couple days, because we have been sick for like the past 2 weeks and neither of us have felt like doing much. It’s okay for them to have grocery bags full of candy/snack wrappers and trash in their room. It’s okay for them to leave mess around the whole kitchen for someone else to clean and their dishes in the sink for someone else to do. There’s 4 buckets of just their dishes pretty much sitting in front of the sink. My husband has already done like 8 and my brother has done 2 and they’re still trying to get my brother to do the other 4.

She sent a picture of a broken snow globe, that had been sitting in our room away from the kids, we hadn’t gotten around to throwing it out. I don’t see how that was our issue, my mom GAVE the snow globe to our daughter. Our oldest son broke it, she brought it to us, we went and picked up the glass. This is about the 4th one my mom has given our daughter, that our son has broken. Lastly, she sent a picture of my youngest son’s, very pee filled diaper. I don’t see how that was our issue, considering we had left him with my brother at 11am to go to lunch with our oldest son and daughter and family. My mom never wakes up until at least 2pm to go to work.

My mom told her at the end of her messages, if it’s like that with her bitching at us about it, what would it be like if we moved? She said I’m already “threatening” to move out so she doesn’t want to bitch at us, maybe she could do something about it. Does my mom not realize, that this, is just as bad? This isn’t the first time she’s done it, just the first time since we’ve moved. My mom could have simply asked us to take the few dishes we had out and to sweep and clean his bed out when we got home, and it would’ve been done. We were already planning on doing so anyways. As for the other stuff, there could have still been a conversation there. From an outsiders perspective, any opinions on what it looks like my mom is trying to do here and why she might be resorting to doing this? Other than the obvious of her trying to start shit, which she could’ve just done personally with us.