In love with a muslim

Im writing this to seek some comfort and possibly some advice.

I am an ex-muslim atheist. Currently, I’m a uni freshman in a muslim country.

I met this Muslim boy in my uni some months ago and i couldn’t help my feelings, despite swearing that i wasnt going to date, especially if it’s with a Muslim. He is good looking, can read my thoughts just by looking at me and is such a gentle soul. I truly think im in love with him. He definitely likes me as well and I doubt either of us will be able to control our feelings. If neither of us loses feelings, we will wind up dating at some point, and I don’t know how to feel about that.

No matter how much i want to be with him, i can’t get it out of my head that this wont work out since I am not willing to go back to Islam ever in my life, nor do i want to tell him i am an atheist. I feel like if i do explain to him why i left islam, he may either do his own research and leave it himself since he does not seem religious at all, or it may affect our friendship, though the latter seems less likely. As much as I want to be with him, i do not want him to go through the mental struggles I am going through. Even if he does not end up leaving islam, i do not want to plant the seed of doubt that will cause him the anxiety i felt. I do not want him to live like me, hiding so much of himself, faking his beliefs, living a double life and constantly feeling like he’s betrayed his loved ones. If remaining ignorant will grant him mental peace, then I do not want to disturb that. It pains me so much imagining him going through the entire roller coaster i went through.

Something that has been instilled in me because of islam is that dating must be with the intentions of marriage, but we’re 18 for fuck’s sake. Still I cannot shake that thought out of me. That at some point, we will have to end it even if we discover that we’re a perfect match as we date, because of our religious discrepancies. It pains me so much and fuels my anger towards religion. Since I am in a muslim country, I still want some experience dating since I have never done that in my life and do not want to be in my mid twenties with absolutely no experience. Should I date him, or do I bury my feelings? Maybe if i date him i discover things about him that turn me off.

This is very messy, Im sorry😭😭