I miss you

I’ve moved on. I’ve accepted the fact that we could never be together. I’m happy to see you with him. But I am missing you so damn much.

I miss sharing Tiktok videos with you. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you.

I’m still seeing you; your reposts, your stories, you liking my reposts, viewing my stories, even just glimpses of you from your university’s official Facebook page.

I know I don’t like you anymore. I don’t love you anymore. But why am I missing your presence this much? Why am I yearning for very little interaction with you? Why am I looking at the viewers of my Instagram story every hour hoping to see you somewhere down the list? Why am I hoping for you to suddenly strike the fire of our TikTok streak again?

Why am I searching for you every time I’m at Cubao? Looking at everyone who wears the same uniform as you. Hoping to cross paths with you on the way to the LRT station, Cubao Expo, or maybe along the sidewalks of Cyberpark. Skimming through the food court, hoping you’re in line for Wendy’s or Belgian waffle.

When I let go of my feelings, I thought it was for the best—that you’d stay if I dropped whatever I am feeling. Was I too late? Should I have dropped it sooner?