iwndwyt?

i’ve been writing this here most days, but i have to be honest, i haven’t meant it. it’s not been an actual commitment. the alcohol voice in my head has been taking over again, so that when i check back here each morning, when i make my daily pledge, it’s standing over me saying “okay, yeah sure but maybe just a little bit today?!” and because my willpower has been a little more tried and tested than usual by the shitstorm of life lately, and because i’m a pushover, i let it convince me. so i’ve been slipping, since a little before thanksgiving. it’s like… i needed to get something out of my system. that’s not an excuse, there are no excuses, just this creeping feeling. it’s like, my life seems crazy and out of control, so i want to go crazy and lose control. it doesn’t help, and now i feel like shit. acutely. back to day one. so today, when i say iwndwyt, i mean it. iwndwyt, iwndwyt, iwndwyt. it’s like an SOS call, or a mayday. abandon ship, the captain got drunk again. time to right the course, stay sober, i want to end this year with a shred of decency dammit. to anyone and everyone who is struggling out there, we got this, we can do it, i am committed to you and i am committed to me being alcohol free. 🍻🚫👊