parents don't give a fuck

I'm turning 30 soon so this is sort of embarrassing but as I age, even as broken as I am it really occurs to me just how aberrant my hoarder mom is.

No one will probably read this anyway so I'll keep this short but like, it frequently dawns on me just how little she actually cares about her kids. Like I can be missing for hours and hours and she doesn't care. Of course, however stunted I am I am still a fully grown man at this point but like, wouldn't it concern you if your kid, who you know has a history of mental health issues, just disappeared for hours a day without telling you where he was going? Like does it not bother her that she has no friends, literally no family at all in the USA and what family she does have either can't stand her or are even more vile than she is and is estranged from two of her kids? And then to just not even wonder or know even basic facts about your grown ass, nearly 30 year old son, or even know what's going on with them in even a basic sense. My mom didn't even know I was close to graduating college until I did, despite literally telling her multiple times and just assumed I was like...existing.

I don't even think she cares that her two/three remaining adult children have no friends at all, have a bunch of mental health problems and are pretty much complete losers.

My dad was an alchie and is also a total space cadet who has basically given up on life due to my mom's behavior, but IDK,

I just struggle to understand how people can have kids and just give zero fucks about them. No one cares about me and no one will ever care about me so I've kind of hardened my heart to this cruel world and expect nothing but further suffering but the mystery of why humans are even capable of such ludicrously self destructive behavior in the long term vexed me every day.

Like my mom literally choose literal piles of junk mail and shitty mail order shoes she never wore over her own damn kids. Like mom, I hear RATS in the walls at night. I guess it's no big deal I guess. Nothing is.