What do you do when it isn't worth it?

Doctor just cheerfully told me that the meds I thought I was taking because I can't breathe might be causing shortness of breath and frankly, I am sick of them.

I never get on well with medication, it either doesn't work, I have a heap of side effects, or both. I got forced back onto meds when a cold turned into fluid on my lungs.

But I do not want to be here. I'm 39 and my only wish is to not make it to 40. There is not a single thing to live for, the meds make me feel so much worse than not taking them did, I just also can't cope with that gasping for air.

The doctors just keep lecturing me on how I have to do this or that to help my heart. I keep telling them it's not worth it. I don't know how to make them understand without ending up in a psych hold.

Anyone else dealt with this? How did you manage?