I (28M) don’t know how to bring up conversations about actions my partner (25F) takes that bother me because of my values.

Me and my partner have been dating for around 5 1/2 years and will often go through periods of feeling incredibly close and connected to some rocky unstable periods, and this feels like one of the latter. Recently I have realized I am thinking of my partner as someone who is “selfish”, and while I don’t actually think this is true I do think they are not as considerate of people as I believe one should be. I have brought this up to my partner (passively and non confrontational) and she rejects this claim saying that all she ever does is thinking about other people. I think that she thinks about other people in a worry and fear of judgement way where she bends over backwards for people she fears judgement or repercussions from, where the people she feels safe with she can be very inconsiderate about, me included. The most recent example of this was when we were planning on getting a new bed and so we’re going to replace bed frame and mattress in our room. We currently live in the house of our 2 best friends. We were going out of town when she suggested we strip the bed as she was wanting to ask the male friend were living with to take the bed frame and apart (not small task) and take it and the mattress out of our room and somewhere else in the house because it would be convenient. I refused as this felt incredibly rude to ask a good friend to do a task that we didn’t NEED them to do and instead something out of convenience that felt more like unpaid contractual labor. She seemed bothered by my refusal saying I would do it when we got home. I wanted to talk about the “selfishness” when couldn’t figure out how without offending her or making it sound unconstructive. How do I approach this subject with her without just making her feel like I’m telling her she’s a bad person?