Last tool in the pack

I feel horrible again. It feels like the beginning of a long crash again. I took out this pack, because the urge is strong again and I wanted to hurt myself. When I took out a fresh one, it was the last one. I bought that pack when I was 15 or so, during a pretty bad relapse. For some reason I never thought about when I'd reach the last one. I guess I figured I would be dead or all better by that time. This bullshit has lasted this long and now I'm here. I will say I dont feel the same as I did when I was 15 but damn is it similar. It just feels weird. I'm not where I thought I'd be.